Tag Archive | thoughts

Of Soft Mind

DSC_3984.jpgI am going to be a little passive aggressive here and I apologize in advance.  I say this,  because this post is in response to something that was commented on one of my other blog posts.   It was something of debate and instead of engaging and getting into some political debacle of ignorance, I have decided to not respond directly.  We know how I feel about discussing politics as a whole the way it is and so engaging in a conversation defending my stance in this particular case…it is just not something that I am prepared to do; especially, considering that I could see where this would be leading, which is exactly why I rarely discuss politics in polite company.

Now, I have already retyped this post once.  My original start was a little bit more defensive than I intended.  The truth is, this comment was well written.  Under a different time and place, maybe…just maybe there could be a discussion.  I don’t know this person and I’m sure that for a short period of time there is the possibility of having a mature and civil conversation. At least I would like to believe, but then again-maybe I am just soft-minded.

With that said, this particular comment was one that I had to read a couple of times to make sure that I was reading it correctly. If you are wondering what it said, you will not find it as I chose not to publish it.  That is the joy about being the owner of this blog, I get to do and say what I want .  Things like ignoring comments that stab at my instincts and engage me into combative defense to someone whom will probably not be as open to hearing my side as I want to believe.  Again, I do not know. I could be way off course, but my instincts went into flight mode, not because of fear but because I just didn’t want to.

The particular comment was made in response to my post about animals and humanity.  Apparently,  it is wrong of me to “conflate the terminology of animals and walls to being negative.”  And though I may have read too much into it, one of the beginning sentences was that this person found good people with soft minds hard to tolerate.  I read this to be that I was seen as having a soft mind because I didn’t feel that a race of people should be referred to as animals.  I wonder, am I of soft mind?  Or is that this person didn’t understand the context of the post that provoked the blog because he was only reading what I wrote?

Maybe I am of soft mind, but I know my mind and believe me that this is not the case.  I just believe that a little decency goes a long way, and that not calling an entire group of people animals just because of their ethnic background and status isn’t too much to ask.  Now, it is clear what side of the fence this person stood on AND (I can’t emphasize this enough) that is completely fine.  Whatever gets you fired up, but do not assume that I need to be pitied because I think referring to a group of people as animals is completely unnecessary and negative; especially, when the whole group have not given reason to be called so.   To best make my point, it is like calling a whole group of people racist because a few of them actually are.

With that said, do not assume that because I see a softer side of things that I do not believe in hardcore measures, or that I have a “soft mind”.  I am anything but gullible or foolish, or whatever was intended by said statement.  You should also not be foolish enough to think that I am all because I do not believe that you should refer to a race of people as animals.  I did not feel that it was necessary and I do find it negative in today’s world.   If that makes me soft minded, I guess so be it but for the record I actually have a lot of words for people, groups of people, and they are far from that of a soft mind.

And should said person stumble upon my blog again and feel the need to post similar comments.  Even harsher comments in attempts to get me to engage, please do not waste your time.  This passive aggressive post will be as far as communication between you and me go because your point of view is clear.  And though I respect your opinion and would think that on different circumstances we should engage in such topics of debate, it is just not something that I feel like doing in the present moment.  Also please do not confuse my opinions on name calling to my political point of view.  You do not know me and do not assume you know where I stand on any such topics.

To my regular followers.  Please forgive me. I needed to get it off my chest and it was much better than the 35 responses that I had previously typed up and deleted.

Montana Rose Photography

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Over thinker….

dsc_7330It is no secret that I am an over-thinker.  Chronically so.  I am not sure that there is a good side to over thinking, but it isn’t always negative I suppose.

Today, someone at the gym had stumbled upon The Zoey Lynne Chronicles, which is a Facebook page that I created for my dog and our adventures.  People were enjoying them and encouraged me to create her own page for them.  With that said, so began The Zoey Lynne Chronicles.  Anyway,  he was telling me how he stumbled across them.  To make a long story short, it got me thinking….overthinking.

I have been thinking a lot about things I say and things I post.  Things I used to post.  Things that I do not want people to see because they no longer reflect who I am.  I meant them at the time and I am not anything if not one who owns her ****, but in today’s world our past **** can come back and haunt us because of the internet.  I am a nobody, but so the odds of someone digging up my past to break me down…well, it is probably not going to happen.  Just the same, though.  When I meet someone new or someone I have interacted with sends me a friend’s request or reads my blog, I cannot help but wonder how far back they are going to look and I start over thinking the things that I post.

I had pondered going back and deleting all my old post, even all my old blog post but then I started thinking….again.  What is it going to accomplish to go back and delete a bunch of old post that I now find embarrassing or might leave a fowl taste in someone’s mouth?  Honestly, nothing more than wasting my time.  I do not intentionally set out to offend anyone.  Well….maybe a few deserving idiots, but other than that it is not something that I tend to do purposely and I definitely try not to make  a habit out of it.

Those posts.  Those blog posts.  They are old.  Some are years old, but they also reflect and old me.  I have had temper tantrums. I have had dumb moments.  I have said things that make me feel foolish.  We could delve into the psychological reason for that, but we won’t.  Above all else, though, they have also been learning experiences or reminders of how I felt at that minute and the fact that I do not wish to feel that way again.  All of that sounds ridiculously cheesy and kind of makes me cringe, but just the same.

I will probably always over think things; especially, when it comes to talking to people or putting things out there for people to read.  I am just learning to care a little less about the outcome.  At least I’m trying to care a little less.  We all have those moments when we feel dumb for something we did or say.  We all have those moments where we realize that we probably should have chosen our words a bit more carefully.  We all cannot control how people perceive what we said or how they take it.  We cannot control what they choose to do with it or how they choose to continue with us.  It just is what it is and I’m too old to spend too much time continuously worrying about every little thing.  I am who I am and I can only hope that is good enough.  I am who I am because of who I used to be…isn’t that the case for all of us?

As for this little birdie.  It was the day after…that is not going to work.  Trying to explain all the little details of this picture.  I think that I’ve said this before, but the best pictures are the ones that I tend not to think about.  And this is one of them.  I don’t remember the settings. I could look them up, but I’m not going to.  I barely remember the conditions of the day.  It was cold and the bird was clearly in a tree, but not much more than that.  I was just walking around with the zone and the camera.  Just snapping whatever suited my fancy at the time.

I guess that is why I never truly address the “art” side of my photography.  I just kind of play around with the settings until I get the desired set and then in post I just see where the photo is at when uploaded and go from there.  Then I post them here and/or FB and Instagram and just hope for the best.  I try not to over think them.  When I do that I become unsatisfied and doubt my ability to provide something worthy.  So, this is what I’m doing for now…just hoping for the best.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Reflections

dsc_0445 (2)bwI want to take this time to apologize, because I have had a moment of reflection.  My post the other day was a little deeper than I meant for it to be.  Possibly too much information?  I really only spoke the thoughts in my head at the time, but it caused a turn that I hadn’t really intended on taking.  So, I apologize.  I also felt that my post took away from the picture, which is a shame because the picture was pretty amazing in my opinion, but I digress.

Truth is, I’m not really in a funk, which is another phrase that I’m not a fan of but it is the only one to suit the need on hand.  Anyway, I’m really not.  It may have seemed that way, but I’m not.  I’m just…my mind is constantly running and trying to figure things out.

Photography doesn’t fit the same mold for me that it did when I started this blog post.  I wanted to make a business out of it and do people involved photos shoots (Head shots, family photos, weddings).  Part of me still does, but really only if.  There are just so many photographers, so many artist.  Not sure where I fit into the mold and so I think the whole trying to fit into the mold has gotten me lost and lost the a sense of what drove me in the first place.  I know that I’m not alone.  We have all been there and we all have our place.   I know all that as well.

It might be a bit of the lingering aftermath of 2018 that has my spurs all twisted up in tumbleweed.  All I am truly sure of is my goals for right now.  Over the next couple of months, I am hoping to successfully complete my bachelor’s degree as I’m in the final stages of that.  I am hoping to know by May whether I am accepted into a grad program for the fall.  Then I can truly start making steps towards goals and plans.

Each month barring ridiculously cold weather that annoys me, I’m hoping to start projects that I am wanting to do.  Get back into painting.  There are some things that I would like to try where that is concerned.  Some photography projects.  Some more writing.  And just revisiting my photography from a more centered place.

Everything needs to be from a more centered place, which means that I need to be more centered. For vacation this year I am thinking of taking two weeks and just hitting a few states before settling down for camping in South Dakota, or I might start out there.  I’m not sure.  There are some places that I want to see there that I’ve still yet to see.   Just being out in nature and getting right with my soul.

This also means that my blog will be undergoing changes.  I probably won’t be posting everyday as I originally planned.  Once a week for sure, maybe a couple of other times but not everyday.  I hope that you will stick around for the ride, but I know I’ve said it a hundred times over and hopefully this will be the year that things really do improve.

For now, I leave you with that and a picture of one of the original chairs from Poet’s Table.  These chairs are no more.  I think most may remember the story.  The Poet’s Table was originally built decades ago by a man looking to get right by his soul.  It had sat hidden in Custer State Park since the day he built it with hikers finding it upon occasion.  It became a place to leave wishes, prayers, writings, and whatever else to show you were there.  I discovered it last year when a fellow hiker took the time to show me where it was.  A few months later, a couple of girls took it upon themselves to destroy it because they felt that it was an eye sore that had become vandalized.  Kind of ironic in a way.  I’m not sure what happened to them.  I’m not sure they were prosecuted even though what they did was technically a crime since the table had long become part of the park.  Either way, good Samaritans built a new table and chairs that now sit in the same place as the old.  It will become something new, but what once was is long gone.  Years of people’s memories and stories gone, but that is a soapbox for another day.

I hope that you like this picture.  It is still one of my favorites.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Humanity and Animals

DSC_7203.jpgI am not sure where I am going to go with this post to be honest.  I definitely have more faith in one than in the other.

Let me start by saying, I rarely discuss politics in polite company.  I have found it is a topic best reserved for those that you know and click with.  Most rarely have the ability to have a formidable, mature, and logical discussion on the topic.  We are out there, but it is hard for us to find each other.  With that said, I just keep my opinions to myself because the lot that I have to discuss things with….well, I would have better luck convincing a ticked off buffalo to not ram my car than I would to have a calm and collect conversation on political matters.  That excludes, of course, you all. I suspect most of you have a good head on your shoulders but as we don’t know each other in that way…the southern girl in me says “do not discuss politics in polite company.”  So, I try to stray from the matter.

Without delving deep into the topics of such matters,  I do have to say that I think the current administration has brought out the worst in people.  I think that the last administration started the rumbling, but this administration is the pin in the grenade that is about to slip out.  I believe it is all going to come to a head and it is going to be pleasant.  I just hope that it is not of apocalyptic results.

Anyway, the hottest topic is the wall.  I will not discuss it, but someone posted on FB today about the wall in the form of a meme.  This meme said, “You know why you can enjoy yourself at the zoo?  Walls work.”  The person that shared this meme added her own comment, “That’s right. Animals are animals.”  I was appalled at the fact that she referred to the immigrants as animals.

I know that we have often referred to bad people as animals, but in my opinion…the only animals are actual animals.  And the bad people….the ones often referred to as animals, well they are not animals at all.  They are monsters, but to refer to an entire group of people as animals merely because ultimately they scare us-that is not something that we should.  That is just, beyond words to me because it just wreaks of something that I cannot put my finger on.  Hatred. Intolerance.  Anger.  Fear even.

I am not sure how we can get past what is happen in our world.  Or how to get past the political BS when friends and family have shown me lights that I was not sure even possible.  It is sad that one man can cause such a division of the masses.  I figured we would destroy ourselves, but I still hope that I am wrong and that we can recover before it is too late.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Standing on Top

dsc_5545I will spare you some cheesy, positive post today.  It is not that I do not have anything to say, but I will try and save you from burn out.

Thinking about the new year, I don’t know what it has in store for me.  I know what is on my wish list, but I have no real plans other than to survive it and to live it.  I will probably not do any major art shows like the one that I did last year.  I may do some smaller ones, but I think I would like to focus on adapting my photography and getting back to a place where I don’t question 95% of my pictures.

Doing huge shows take a lot of work.  A lot of money.  I would like to get some other things in order first.  Plus if i get into grad school, my time will be limited anyway.  One day at a time.  I have until May to decide for the one I did last year anyway.  My spot won’t be as good at this point, but it is okay. I have a lot of supportive people.  Some that I didn’t even know existed before.  It’s all good.

There are some photographic projects that I would like to do. I don’t know if I will.  Mainly because I am not sure how to execute them, but it is something that I am still thinking about.  For now, the same old pictures I always post….hope you don’t mind.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Aspire, Inspire

dsc_7111Day four of ridiculous positivity and hope for the new year continues.  I do not know why and as it is uncustomary for me to feel this way….I’m a bit annoyed and waiting for the cement shoes to drop.  Until then, I suppose I will soak it up and just roll with it.

Today, I was thinking about certain people in my life.  I wrote on facebook about releasing the toxins from my life.  This includes toxic people.  It kind of donned on me earlier that toxic people are not always seemingly toxic.  It is a little bit like eating orange seeds.  They are toxic, but it is something that you wouldn’t realize until you have consumed a ridiculous amount of them.  Some people are the same.

These people tend to be uninspired, unmotivated, negative, and just content with existing.  There are few of those in my life.  I think that we all have a few of those.  What I realized, I’m tired of being around those people, which makes me sound and feel like a horrible-horrible person.  I’m grateful for those people and the roll that they played, but as I’ve changed and they seem content just being….I understand why people grow apart.  It is sad, but it is necessary.

This is not to knock them.  That is how their path is meant to be, or so it seems.  I, on the other hand, long for aspiration and inspiration.  I also long to be able to infect people with much of the same.  Positivity, inspiration, aspiration, fire, and passion.  Especially, in a world where we are bombarded with sadness and hatred.  Where there are children in positions of authority because at the time they fooled people into believing they were responsible adults.   Adults that throw fits like two years that got their hands smacked for taking a cookie.  It is just not the time to be loathing in self-existence.  It is a time to make the best out of what we have left of our time.  I know you know what I’m talking about.

I don’t have the words to inspire you to find your aspirations and inspirations, but I also think that we also know what it is like to feel each of those.  Feel those and the fire that burns because of them.  Embrace the flames and let it ride.

I’m sure I will burn out on the positivity, but so far it is relentlessly holding on.  Bear with me.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Music Man

dsc_6972Trent Tomlinson concert 2018.  Mr. Colt Prather on guitar.

It is becoming an annual tradition for my friends and I.  This is our third year since I moved back to Indiana.  I don’t know if there will be a fourth year.  A lot can change in a year.  It is on my wish list.  That even if I’m not here than I will at least come back to keep up tradition.

Wish list. That is what I’ve decided to make.  Instead of plans.  I’m just adding things to my wish list.  When I make plans, they rarely work out.  So, I figure that I will just add things to my wish list and do what I can.  If it works out than it is meant to be and if not, well then it doesn’t.

My wish list includes many things.  I’ve applied to grad school, which today seems absurd for my age but it donned on me today that on the 17th of February, I will have been at my job for 10 years.  10 long and agonizing years.  I stay because of the money. I stay because of the benefits.  I stay because right now, there isn’t any real choice in the matter.  I can say that there is.  We often do, but when I take into consideration the things that I’ve already mentioned….well, like I said.

Isn’t that the way it is. We do what we have to do until we don’t have to do it anymore.  It is just the way that it is.  It is neither a bad thing nor a good thing.  It just is.

I hope that you enjoy the picture.  I edited it a while ago, but I have been touching pictures in one way or another as I set out to do.  I’ve also written everyday, but to be fair…it is only day three and there are 362 left.  I can do this.  We can do this.  Bring it on 2019.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography