I have pondered about what to write. If I should even write anything. I’ve said time and time again that writing was something that I wanted to get back into. I miss it. I wrote a short(ish) story a while back and once I started, it just came. Then I lost that motivation.
While I was in South Dakota, I was hiking a crazy long trail (16 miles round trip…I’ve hiked further before, but I was exposed to the elements and lo and behold never have enough water. Alas, that is a story for another day). Anyway, while I was on this hike I became inspired. Why? That I really have no answer for. I just did. So, every time that I would have a thought, I would write it. Some of those I will be sharing at a later time. For now, I will just share why I have not written.
I could easily say that it is writer’s block, but truth be told…that would be a lie. I lost my desire to write for much of the same reason that I lose my desire to photograph. No one seems to enjoy it or really pays attention to it. No one seems to really like it. I cannot really say that much about my photography, at least not on my blog (or on Instagram). I get a quite a few likes and that makes me happy. Each of you is appreciated more than I will probably ever let you know. That is not on purpose, so forgive me. Still, I find myself seeking a level approval that comes up short.
I should write for me. I should do photography for me. All of this I know, but at the same time…I can do that stuff for me any time that I want. But I’ve always wanted to inspire and share. I wanted people to know that I exist and want to see and hear what I have to share. Anything to make me feel less invisible. To know that I am good at what I do or something like that. I think that many of us feel that way or even currently feel that way. After all, isn’t that all a lot of us want to be noticed for our skills, accomplishments, and what not? We can say that we don’t, but it is subconscious human nature to want it just a tad.
I know that I am guilty of that and when it seems like I’m falling short, I lose motivation to continue. I often it equate it to the powers that be trying to tell me that I’m on the wrong path. I’m sure that it is their way of seeing how bad I want it by seeing how hard I’ll fight for it, but some days it seems like I’ve been fighting forever. And every blog post that has a bad day, every Facebook post that is ignored, every person that asked me to do a photo shoot for them and then turned around and scheduled it with a different photographer….it is want more grain of salt in a slow healing wound. That is not to make anyone feel guilty, that is my own psychological issue. One that I’m working on, but just the same.
With all of that said, in this new light I have decided that I will be writing a bit more. I know that I’ve said that before. But in the wake of coming off a not so great trip and the loss of two uncle within six weeks of each other, I realize that I have to force myself to do a bit more for myself. It is a goal…we will see how it goes.
Thank you for stopping by and I hope that you have a beautiful day and tomorrow.
Montana Rose Photography
Side note about the picture: I took it at sunset in the Badlands. I had looked for the perfect place for four days. I wanted something that was over the rock/clay formations, thinking that would give me the perfect sunset picture. I never for a second thought that it would be over a field in Sage Creek, the backcountry of the Badlands. The storm was rolling in and if you look to the right you can see the rain. The clouds were low and I just loved how the sun was reflecting off them. All I really did was turn down the highlights, removed some of the shadows, turn up the vibrance and clarity. I didn’t mess with any of the coloring and this was the final result. I hope you like them.