Tag Archive | Sage Creek

A New Light

DSC_59082I have pondered about what to write.  If I should even write anything.  I’ve said time and time again that writing was something that I wanted to get back into.  I miss it.  I wrote a short(ish) story a while back and once I started, it just came.  Then I lost that motivation.

While I was in South Dakota, I was hiking a crazy long trail (16 miles round trip…I’ve hiked further before, but I was exposed to the elements and lo and behold never have enough water.  Alas, that is a story for another day).  Anyway, while I was on this hike I became inspired.  Why?  That I really have no answer for.  I just did.  So, every time that I would have a thought, I would write it.  Some of those I will be sharing at a later time.  For now, I will just share why I have not written.

I could easily say that it is writer’s block, but truth be told…that would be a lie.  I lost my desire to write for much of the same reason that I lose my desire to photograph.  No one seems to enjoy it or really pays attention to it.  No one seems to really like it.  I cannot really say that much about my photography, at least not on my blog (or on Instagram).  I get a quite a few likes and that makes me happy.  Each of you is appreciated more than I will probably ever let you know.  That is not on purpose, so forgive me.  Still, I find myself seeking a level approval that comes up short.

I should write for me. I should do photography for me.  All of this I know, but at the same time…I can do that stuff for me any time that I want.  But I’ve always wanted to inspire and share.  I wanted people to know that I exist and want to see and hear what I have to share.  Anything to make me feel less invisible.  To know that I am good at what I do or something like that.  I think that many of us feel that way or even currently feel that way.  After all, isn’t that all a lot of us want to be noticed for our skills, accomplishments, and what not?  We can say that we don’t, but it is subconscious human nature to want it just a tad.

I know that I am guilty of that and when it seems like I’m falling short, I lose motivation to continue. I often it equate it to the powers that be trying to tell me that I’m on the wrong path.  I’m sure that it is their way of seeing how bad I want it by seeing how hard I’ll fight for it, but some days it seems like I’ve been fighting forever.  And every blog post that has a bad day, every Facebook post that is ignored, every person that asked me to do a photo shoot for them and then turned around and scheduled it with a different photographer….it is want more grain of salt in a slow healing wound.  That is not to make anyone feel guilty, that is my own psychological issue.  One that I’m working on, but just the same.

With all of that said,  in this new light I have decided that I will be writing a bit more. I know that I’ve said that before.  But in the wake of coming off a not so great trip and the loss of two uncle within six weeks of each other, I realize that I have to force myself to do a bit more for myself.  It is a goal…we will see how it goes.

Thank you for stopping by and I hope that you have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Side note about the picture:  I took it at sunset in the Badlands.  I had looked for the perfect place for four days.  I wanted something that was over the rock/clay formations, thinking that would give me the perfect sunset picture.  I never for a second thought that it would be over a field in Sage Creek, the backcountry of the Badlands.  The storm was rolling in and if you look to the right you can see the rain.  The clouds were low and I just loved how the sun was reflecting off them.  All I really did was turn down the highlights, removed some of the shadows, turn up the vibrance and clarity.  I didn’t mess with any of the coloring and this was the final result.  I hope you like them.

Long Road….

DSC_0957.jpgIt is only April and it has been a very long road. Which sometimes seems like the theme for my every year.  This year especially, though.

I would be lying if I said that I’ve not been struggling. For well over a year now. The last few months have just heightened it all.  The need to change. The need for there to be more than what is.  It has all made my restless heart even more restless.

My restless heart has the need to chase down wild horses.  Figuratively and literally.  Some of them live too far away, the ones on Assateague I’ve already seen, and the ones in South Dakota are slated for two weeks from yesterday.    I was originally supposed to go see the ones in Arizona, but that will not happen this year.  I had to use some of vacation and will not have enough to justify the length of the drive.  With that said, I’ve decided to go to South Dakota, because I haven’t already been there.  Since I’ve seen just about all I can, I decided to go ahead and splurge on a tour of the Black Hills Wild Horse Sanctuary.  I also use the term “wild” loosely.

I know that true wild horses are far and few in between.  I will stay off my soapbox, but…yeah.  I know that people do not see things the way that I do.  At least not a lot of people.  There are just certain practices regarding animals, wild horses, that truly annoy me.  But…I digress.

I forgot where I was going with that.  I have that problem a lot lately.  Focusing. Remembering.  Staying motivated.  It has been a struggle just to type what I have.  I am in severe need of getting right with my soul.  Here’s to hoping that I can accomplish that this trip around.  I don’t know about you, but for me…it always seems like the days leading up to vacation are the longest (and sometimes the most stressful) so I’m just kind of biting at the bit.

This picture is from last year’s trip.  It was pretty and well composed.  The sky was blue, grass was green…I was bored with it and so I played with it.  I like this version better, hope that you do too.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography