Tag Archive | rambling

Wondering Thoughts

DSC_6478bwToday as I was sitting at my desk, I thought of something that I honestly hadn’t thought about since it happened.  An angry old man sitting alone in a nursing home.

I’ve been lost in my head a lot thinking about a broken heart.  What it did wrong? What is wrong with it?  Why it is always coming up short?  What it has done to justify all the failures?  Most will say that it is not the heart’s fault.  That it is being too hard on itself.  It’s the other person’s loss.  It never feels that way, though.  Anyway, today as I was thinking about broken hearts, I remembered a gentleman that I met in one of my clinicals back in the day.

I don’t remember much about him, but I do remember that he was angry.  Very angry.  He was a much older gentleman.  Not necessarily my grandparents’ age, but he was up there.  He had been into art, history, or books….maybe all the above.  I don’t quite remember, but I remember he had a very scholarly, artsy way about him.  The kind of stereotype you would see in the movies, I guess.  A bit on the pretentious side, but thinking back now it would seem that maybe he had earned the right.  Anyway, along his life he had one love and it didn’t end well.  He was angry.

I don’t remember the exact details on the subject.  They had parted ways, though. I think it was the other that had decided to go.  Their paths had gone in different directions and this gentleman I spoke to now, he was paying the price.  I am not sure how long they had been parted, but it was evident in the way he spoke that he had allowed his heart to become cold,hard…..angry and I mean, A.N.G.R.Y.

I am sure that his current situation did not help.  Sitting alone in a nursing home, because he was unable to completely care for himself.  I am thinking a lot of it was the being alone.  He had no pictures of family.  If I remember, he had no family.

I am not sure what made me think of him.  Like I said, I haven’t given him much thought since that day at my clinical.  I don’t even remember how long he was there.  I do not even remember seeing him again. I feel like it was only the once.  However, I guess if I was to put on my psychiatrist hat, I could definitely figure out what made me think of him.  I think that we all could, without pulling out the psychological analysis.  Anyway.

I think that the take away here is to accept the broken heart but not allow oneself to become jaded.  Angry.  Not everyone does this, but I feel like I’ve talked to a lot of jaded people lately.  People that are pessimistic about love.  I have a friend that is happily married but so negative about love.  Another that just doesn’t believe that love exist.  A third that is going through a divorce and doesn’t want anymore serious relationships because this will be his second divorce.  However, it is just not about love relationships-is it?

The man in my story, he had no one.  He was alone.  Most likely because he was angry and honestly a bit on the hateful side.  A way that I know many of us have found ourselves in the wake of grief, sadness, devastation, or whatever else is thrown on our way on the negative side. I know that I have, but what I am realizing as I type this…we can’t alienate people because of our pain.  When we are suffering through whatever, some of us do tend to alienate because we already feel alone.  Alone because we are unsure, or scared, or know that no one will truly understand what we are going through.  However, if we are not careful….we really could end up being actually alone.

I don’t honestly know if there is an easy solution to this.  There most likely isn’t, but I know that no one deserves to be sitting alone in a nursing home….bitter and angry because of a life that didn’t go their way.  Do we really choose our paths?  I don’t know where I stand on that, but I am starting to see that we do have a choice on how many people actually stick around.  Some will leave on their own, but I’d rather them do that than it being because I wasn’t willing to let them in when I needed them most.

This is just some random thoughts.  Do not take anything away from it other than a message of thought.  I chose an old picture to post, because of the content.  I’ll post a fresh pic the next time.  Until then-live, laugh, love, and let it ride.

~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

Off a Utah Highway

DSC_6267My first experience in Utah was not the greatest.  The unnecessary pullover by an overzealous cop because I had out of state plates.  The ridiculous woman that yelled out me for walking up under an arch, which is totally allowed.  The crazy amount of tourist at 6am.  Sleeping in my car because I couldn’t find a place to set up my tent.  Paying for one night in a motel room, what I would have paid for a week at a campsite.  The ridiculous sunburn that I got.  I mean…talk about red and even the breeze hurt but I digress.  Not the greatest experience, but it had perks.

I absolutely loved the scenery and I wasn’t opposed to driving the highways and roads that ran through it.  I can’t deny that it was a bit of heaven.

Off that main highway I was on sat a little cemetery up on a hill.  I’ve seen plenty of cemeteries and this wasn’t like the rest.   I’m not sure what it was, but there was something.  It seemed like it both a garden and cemetery.   It is also apparently a tourist type destination as picnic tables have been placed about.  I don’t think it is for typical tourist, but for some other kind.  I guess my kind of tourist.  Not really sure what that is, but there are different types I think.  I’m one of the other kind.

Not only did this little garden, memorial type cemetery have a ridiculous amount of lizards running amuck; a few visitors sat afoot.  Or maybe guardians at this point.  You can tell by their fur they had been there a while.  Through the rain, the wind, and whatever else has come their way.  They have been through it all. I suspect a few tears by those who left them.

These two seemed to be life long friends, placed together.  One or two others sat by themselves.  I can see the tiredness in the way they slouched and the sadness is in the reality of where they sit.

I saw not the dates on the plots where they sat, so I know not the age of that in which they watch over.  Still, I wonder their story.  Were they left by a devastated parent?  Maybe a heartbroken child.  Maybe they were left because the one that passed loved stuff animals.  Or had them for years.  I don’t know.  It may not have been out of sadness at all.  The possibilities are endless but limited, I’m sure.  Still they have a story and I cannot help but be intrigued by what I see.  They say so much without saying anything at all.

I hope that you like this picture.  Until the next time:  live, laugh, love, and let it ride.

~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

The Window

DSC_0604.jpgI have many of pictures yet from my trip this past year out west.  I still have many that I have not edited, and so many I’ve not posted.  At first, I was surprised that I had not posted this one yet and then I remembered that I’ve actually posted very little this year; especially, here of late.

I really thought that I had posted this one, but I think I posted it to FB and Instagram, not here on WordPress.  I’m posting it now, so better late than never I suppose the story goes.

I took this picture in the Arches.  I can’t recall which arch this was, but most of them had quite the view.  There were a couple that I didn’t get to see because I became a little uncomfortable on the hike.  There were some passages with steep drops and a lot of people.   I don’t know if I was about to have an actual panic attack, or if I just thought that  I should have but I didn’t finish it and turned around.  I think had there been less people, I would have been more opt to travel across the first rocky bridge thing but there were just so many people.  This arch wasn’t one of them, but just the same….still a lot of people.  Apparently, everyone gets an early start in Arches National Park.  The early bird still has to fight for the worm in this one.

I have been working on editing tricks and am thinking that I might try later to re-edit this one, but for now…I think I like it the way that it is and hope that you do as well.  ”

I thought I had more to say, but that train has derailed.  Until the next time….live, laugh, love, and let it ride.

~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

Sinner vs. Saints

DSC_5503Somewhere out near Moose Junction in the Grand Tetons sits a little old church.  Nestled in the mountains, the view is beautiful.  This is really no surprise.  That is unless you sit outside….then it depends on where you sit.

To the right and to the left there are benches.  One pair has a beautiful view of the mountains, the other set…a view of the building.  I couldn’t help but wonder the implications of this, but only one thing stood out….sinners vs. saints.

Considering that it is self-seating, I cannot help but wonder why anyone would choose to sit on the side without the mountains.  I doubt sermons  are held outside unless the congregation is small.  So, why?  Does one deem themselves not worthy of viewing the mountains?  Does one not want to be distracted by the mountains?  Does one just purely not like the mountains?  That last one raise a whole other question….like, why exactly are you in the mountains? Anyway, why sit on the other side of the building.

I did not grow up religious.  I grew up in a family that believed in God, but that is as far as it went.  My grandparents went to church religiously, but we didn’t.  There is a difference between growing up in a family that is religious and growing up in one that merely believes there is a God.  You have to come to terms with figuring out your own spiritual conviction.  It is something that is enlightening and sometimes confusing depend on where you are in life and what you need.

I won’t discuss religious views.  To each their own.  What I will say is this….if you have the choice, always choose the beautiful side.  Despite what you are going through.  Despite what you think that you have done that deems you unworthy.  Always sit on the side with the view.  The view, the beauty it is what makes us seek redemption and life over despair.  You can’t really get right with yourself, soul, or whatever spiritual being you believe in if you are staring at a wall that doesn’t allow you to see.  That is my opinion of course.  Again, to each their own.
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Live, laugh, love, and let it ride.
~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

Lost in it All

DSC_5937Somewhere long ago I became lost.  As I’ve gotten older, this feeling has just gotten worse.  Moving into my 43rd year of living,  it has gotten hard to…well, truth is I don’t know the right words.  Anything that I say is going to make it sound like I’m in this deep, deep dark depression and that just doesn’t really feel like the case.  It is more like I’m stuck somewhere in the abyss.

Why am I telling you this?  In small part to explain my absence, which isn’t really something I expected anyone to notice….it is humbling when people prove you wrong.  It is also to really just ramble I think.

For some time I have been feeling….well, honestly, excruciatingly bored and frustrated with this life of mine.   The attempts to figure out how to change it so that I don’t feel that way, they have been less than helpful.  They have really just fueled the fire that has opened the gateway to the abyss.  I allowed myself to get sucked in without fighting.  It just required too much energy.

There are things that contributed, but nothing was the sole perpetrator.  The loss of a internet friend.  I can’t really blame that at all.  I am embarrassed to admit that I really only mourned him for a short time.  It was more of the fact that it was a lost soul who felt this was his only option and I don’t want people to ever feel that way.  The fact that I truly understood why he had done it.  The thought has passed through my mind, but there is so much more that always pulls me back.  I’m just truly saddened and heartbroken for those that can’t find this in their lives.  I wish I could just wrap them up and keep them safe, but life just doesn’t work that way.

It could be the loss of something that maybe just wasn’t ever meant to be.  A soul crushing moment, because I felt like a fool.  A fool for allowing myself to be happy and for believing that things may actually turn around for me.  A fool for making up excuses as to why he just wrote me off without explanation.  A fool for allowing it to weight so heavy on my heart that I lost site of this confidence everyone else seems to believe I have.

I could be the rut that I am in job wise.  Working a job that I cannot stand because it truly does not require any real brain activity to do the work.  The fact that most of my work is outsourced to an overseas company that I’m also expected to support when they have questions.  The other day I realized how insulting it is that my work has been taken and given to this company and that what I do is purely support work and that I’m to answer this questions when they have them about the work they were given.  It could also be that I have to be thankful and grateful because of the fact that I still have this job, because there are so people out there that cannot find a job.  And if I lived a different life, this job would actually pay a decent amount of money.  I am thankful for it, but it doesn’t make it any less of what it has become.

It could be that I’m working to get out of this dead-end job of mine and better my life, but I have to move to go to grad school because I’ve only been considered good enough to get into one of the several that I applied for.  Yet, once I make the decision as to where I’m moving…everything starts falling apart or making me question it for other reasons.  I wanted to feel like I was moving towards something, not just changing the scenery on something that will never change.

That I’m not sure if I’ve chosen the right path to continue on for my career but it is the one that is easiest to figure out how to pay for.  Or that I’ve reached a point where all the materialistic things have reached a point of frivolous existence.  I have actually found myself embarrassed by the amount of boots that I own.  I love my boots and I don’t foresee me getting rid of them, but I am embarrassed and ashamed about the amount of money I have wrapped in boots and clothes.  It seems especially so since I rarely go anywhere anymore to wear them.  The things we are not supposed to focus on like, if I hadn’t spent that money there…well, I could be spending here instead.

All of this could be caused by the fact that I have a brain that literally never shuts off and doesn’t seem to actually know how to focus on anything other than the negative and the bad.  That I feel alone at the loss of decade long friendships.  That my body has decided that it only knows how to ache and I’m afraid the day will come when I will no longer be able to move.   Not because I do not want to, but because I can’t.  It has already started as there has been twice now that I’ve awakened to find I can’t move my head.  The second time nowhere near as bad as the first, but is that a sign of what is to come?  A body that is slowly shutting down?  I don’t know what I would do if I cannot walk, workout, hike, camp, ride horses.  All wonderful thoughts to a neurotic brain that already overthinks and focuses on the worst case scenarios.

It could be countless other things, but the truth is…it is really all of them.  They’ve all led to this piled on by age and the need for life changes that never seem to come…no matter what I do.

Now, by no means do I need anyone to feel sorry for me.  I’m not looking for sympathy or empathy.  I’m good.  I own my stuff and I know how most of them have ended up where they are.  I don’t really know why I’m posting it now.  I am sure I’ll overthink it and start feeling guilty about it, but for now….here it is.

There are things that I want to do with my photography.  My writing, which I have actually been doing more of lately.  Thank goodness for broken hearts I suppose,  some of us do better creatively when tortured.  Anyway, I don’t really know where I’m going with them, or how I am going to get there.  With that said, as always I don’t know what that means for the future of my blog but until I try to not stay gone so long.

Thank you to all of you for following and sticking around; especially, if you do so after reading this post.  You are amazing and I appreciate you.

~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

The Coyote

DSC_5669It is not often that I follow an animal.  It is not often that I can say that I truly just sit, observe, and truly photograph an animal.  Most have read this story.  I posted it a little while back, but this beauty drew me in.  Running.  Relentlessly.  Tirelessly.  Hunting. Searching. Traveling.  She was on a mission and I couldn’t help but want to go with her.  If even for just a little bit.
DSC_5769Now some of the “activist” types will say that you shouldn’t follow.  You shouldn’t do this and you shouldn’t do that.  To you I politely say, “Pipe down.”  I followed her from a distance, she was on foot-I was not.  She was back and forth between the road and the fields, I was restricted to road access only.  She had plenty of space. Plenty of room. Plenty of “get away from people” land, she knew what she was doing.  It was not I that she was running from, she had another focus in mind.  I kept my distance to not oppose a threat. I was the furthest thing from her mind.
DSC_5750I had seen coyotes before, but always much further away.  Sometimes I had my camera. Sometimes I didn’t.  One time, I was confused about why someone was letting their dog roam free in Wind Cave.  Then I realized what it truly was and by that moment it was too late.  Never have I had this opportunity, so I wasn’t going to pass it by but at first I didn’t even know it was there to catch.
DSC_5765I only noticed her because another car was parked along side the road.  I learned sometime ago that if people were stopped, there was usually something to see.  And sure enough, there she was.  The other car gave up before I did.  That’s okay.  I had to her myself until I didn’t.

I actually had to turn around to follow her.  By this point she was off in the field and it was more of a “hope I catch her again” kind of moment.  It was too easy for to lose my line of vision.  So, I followed to the next turnout and I thought she was gone.  I couldn’t see her and had no idea where she was.  Little did I realize, she was behind me back towards the road.
DSC_5724I only discovered this when an RV pulled in.  I suspected they saw her, or something, so had I not turned to see what they were looking at I would have missed her.   Thank goodness for the touristy tourist and the gawkers.  I can always count on them to guide me to something that I might have missed.

This beauty hung out in the parking lot for quite some time.  Well, the field next to the parking lot.  Truth be told, I actually think that I gave up before she did.
DSC_5732She must of been hungry at this point, because she had found something to eat.  Lip licking good apparently.

I don’t know why I felt so inclined to spend so much time with her.  I did this multiple times through my trip.  Not just with her, but with a few moose and horses and burros.  Not the begging burros from Custer. I spent some time with them too, but there is a herd of wild burros hidden in the canyons of Utah.  I’ll save them for another day.

DSC_5699Anyway, back to this beauty.  I honestly do not know how long I sat there just watching her and photographing her.  I actually got a little lost in the moment.  I could take a million guesses as to why, but thinking back now…I really don’t know what it was.

I know that it was discussed in my original blog, but just the same.  Maybe she really was my spirit animal and that is why I was so drawn to her.  How is that for some sappy rambling?
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What I do know is that I walked away with so many pictures that it was hard to narrow it down to which ones to share.  I probably still chose too many, but I mean look at her.  Look at them.  Not only is she just so incredibly beautiful….I got some amazing shots.  How often do I say that?  Even I amazed myself with this one.  A lot of the photos from this trip actually.  Not sure what happened there.  Maybe I’ve improved that much or maybe it was just me getting lost in the moment.  I’m not really sure, but I am loving so many of the shots that I’ve yet to share.  We’ll get there.

Did I mention that I have an insane amount to get through?
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With all that rambling aside, I hope that you love these pictures as much as I do because it is not always often that I say I love a series of pictures but these are print worthy.
DSC_5789Live, laugh, love and let it ride.

Montana Rose Photography

The Crow and the Ritz

DSC_2343In various places off the beaten path leading up to Old Faithful there are a dozen or so little Ritz cracker  buried beneath the dirt and rocks.

“Did you bury them?”  you ask.  No.  This little beauty did.  A crow?  Yes. A  crow.  Did you know that they bury their food?  I certainly didn’t.

DSC_2289I’m sure if I had taken the time to research crows and their habits, this would be information that I had but the truth is…I am just not that into birds.  There is so much to “knowing” birds.

To know birds you have to know the absurd amount of bird breeds there are.  There are ample amounts of books on the subject.  You have to know their feathers.  Colors.  Mating habits. Nesting habits. Migration.  Calls.  Who has that kind of time?
DSC_2282This guy didn’t really have a lot of fear.  At least not towards me.  I’m not being all “I am an animal whisper.”  No.  I’m pretty sure that it was just because I was one person.  Just me and my camera, but he let me get pretty close to him and he came pretty close to me.  As other noticed him, he got faster in his travel and would fly further away when he collected his crackers.

It took me a while to figure out what he was doing with them.  He would nibble a bit then pick up a couple.  He would then walk to various areas on either side of the walk way, sit them down, and pick at the dirt.

DSC_2293It wasn’t until I really watched him that I realized he was digging a hole, placing the crackers in it, covering them up (Not very well mind you), and then collecting more to do over again.

I’m not going to lie, I quite enjoyed watching him.  I didn’t get any good pictures of him burying his cracker.  You know, since it took me a bit to figure out what he was doing and then other people started realizing and watching.  I really enjoy the ones I did get though.  DSC_2295So, crows bury their food.  That’s a thing I know and now it is a thing you know.  You also know where to dig for snacks should you be in Yellowstone at Old Faithful and don’t feel like buying them.    DSC_2275DSC_2290Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Double…

DSC_0512Double windows.  Double arches.  Double helpings.  Double standards.  Double mint gum.  Do the even make that anymore?  I’m not really a gum person, so I don’t pay attention.  Anyway, just double.  Double me this, if you will.

The double arches in Arches National Park.  A window of opportunity to achieve some great shots if you can get it right.  Nature.  Sun.  Canyon sun.  Desert canyon sun.  Lizards.  So many lizards.  Rocks and primitive trails.  Designated trails, but also primitive trails.  Strangers.  Strangers galore, from one end of the park to the other from the break of day.  And activist.  At least those pretending to be.  Is there a story there, you ask?  You know that there is.

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It was my last day in Utah.  At this point, I had reached my fill of my vacation and I was ready to hang with horses in the basin and move on home.  I missed the zone and felt a little guilty because she had been boarded for several days at this point.  Anyway, I was done but I had a National Park pass and by god…I was going to make that thing pay for itself.   It more than did.

It was Wednesday morning.  I was up early.  Not as early as I would have been had my trip been going according to plan, but early.  It was still early enough that I would not have expected there to be as many people in the archest at that time of day.  Spoiler alert:  I was wrong.  The park was not busy, but it was increasingly so as I traveled each half mile.  Anyway, I hadn’t gotten near enough hiking in and stopped at this set of arches.

I had already walked the primitive trail.  The primitive trail was supposed to take me up to the Double Arches, but the trail is not well marked (Pretty much at all, which is also says in the brochure) and so I was a bit uneasy about trying to figure it out on my own.  I’m an adventurous sort, but I think that spirit had left me by this point.  With that said, I decided to go get back on the main trail.  A main trail that turned into a primitive trail to go up under the arches.
DSC_0541I had already visited a couple of other arches at this point.  I had been watching a countless number of people go up into the arches and climb over rocks.  The brochure even indicated that some of the trails indicated that you would have to manuever over rocks and such.  To be careful because sandstone is slick.  I had also seen, over the years, a countless number of pictures of people under the arches.  Pictures people had taken themselves from different perspectives of the arches, including underneath the arches.  The only things that the park specifically indicated was to stay on trails in high vegetative areas and to not climb on top of the arches.  Therefore when the main trail ended and the primitive trail began, I didn’t think anything of it.  I followed the path, which many  before me had already followed and went up into the arch.

As I’m coming to an end of doing my thing, I heard an old woman yell at some girls about how they needed to stay on the path.  That they were supposed to stay on the path.  I knew where they were and technically they were on a path, a primitive path but a path none the less.  It was a path lined by rocks and had already been traveled a countless number of times, but in a demanding voice she told them to get back on the path.  I knew she was going to bother me, so I decided to start back to my car.

DSC_0543As I was walking towards her on the main trail, she told me to smile because I was busted.  I looked at her confused and she said that I wasn’t supposed to be climbing on the rocks.  I was confused and hadn’t recalled seeing this anywhere and informed her that I wasn’t aware of this fact and that I had just been following the path where others had already been.  She then informed me that primitive trails would be marked with cairns, which is not true and it even says that in brochure.  It is also not actually naturalistic, right to build cairns.  You are supposed to leave the park as is so building cairns is messing with the elements that she just yelled at me for climbing on.  Anyway, I digress.

When I told her that I wasn’t aware of this fact, she said that she wouldn’t turn me in.  Then proceeded to tell me about how people disrespect the parks and that is how they get closed off to people.  And I tried adamantly to emphasize that by far that was not me and that I had nothing but the utmost respect for the parks.  I wasn’t vandalizing. I wasn’t disrespecting it, or moving things. I was merely following a trail.  She said, “Well, you never know unless you ask.”  That is fine, but she didn’t ask. She just assumed.  I won’t get on that soap box, but just the same.  I left very upset and distraught.  Distressed that I had done something wrong and that I was going to get banned from the park, or worse…internet shamed.

I was then determined to find the actual answer, because as I had said…I hadn’t seen anywhere that it was against the rules to go up on the rocks.  A lot of the trails I was about to encounter required such an action.  There were decades worth of pictures, including one in the visitor center, that indicated this was allowed.  I was now on a mission.

DSC_0533I looked in the brochure.  Nothing other than primitive trails were not well marked and to be careful when hiking them.  Signs around the park, “Do not climb on the arches” with pictures that indicated on top of the arches.  “Stay on the trail” signs in high vegetative areas.  Fellow hikers, “That is not a rule.  If it was, no one would ever come to the arches.  They just do not want you climbing on top of the arches.”  Finally, my saving grace…a NPS worker who said the woman could suck it because she was wrong and that there is no actual rule to that regard and that going up under the arches was more than allowed.  The only thing they do is discourage travel of path in high vegetative and high trafficked areas like the ones they were working in.  That there are no actual park rules to such natures.  That I had done nothing wrong .

As first I was mad. I wanted to track this woman down and inform her that she was mistaken and demand that she delete my picture.  She had made me feel horrible and I wasn’t thrilled at the thought of being internet shamed over something that I knew and had confirmation about not being wrong, but I never did see her again.  Thinking back now, I do respect the fact that she was just trying to protect the park and it just is what it is.  I also don’t know how many other people she yelled at that day.  She was definitely going to have her work cut out for her and I’m sure that she eventually ran into someone who put her in her place as she was trying to do everyone else.

Thinking back, it still bothers me a bit.  I have nothing but respect for nature and wildlife, the national parks.  To have someone assume otherwise is just disconcerting.  We all want to feel holier than now in some areas, but we shouldn’t assume the worse unless we have confirmation to the such.  That is my little here and there on the subject.
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With all that aside, I think it was worse the momentary controversy.  The arches are quite beautiful in their own little way and I really like these shots that I got.  I’m definitely glad that I went and eventually I will get to more of my pictures.  If I haven’t mentioned it before, I have an insane amount.  I made last year’s number look like a snack box, but this year there are so many amazing shots from so many different areas that I’m excited to get to some more of them.  To be able to share them.  It’s just been hard to determine where to start and how to go about it.  For now, though, I offer up these.  I hope that you like them.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

‘Tis the Season

DSC_4472Wedding season.

I could post more vacation and photos, because believe me I have no shortage of those, but I’m going to take a break for a moment.  Partly, because I have such a vast amount of them that I do not know where to start nor really the best way to go about it.  The other part is because yesterday I was able to photograph a wedding.  I also may feel a little guilty about my last post as it was a bit of something.  I don’t know.

With that said, change of pace because I also have a lot wedding photos to get edited.
DSC_4441I was actually reading another blogger and he was talking about change.  First, I admire is photography and writing.  I wish I could write like that. I use to write like that, but over time I have become lazy and rusty.  Time never allows for much of it and motivation started to fade with lack of support.  All of that combined led to the laziness and rustiness I mentioned.

I am constantly thinking about how I ended up where I am; especially, when looking at couples.  42 and single is definitely not where I thought that I would be.  There is a long list of things that I didn’t think would be when I turned 42, but mainly single.  Love is something that seems to be a given for everyone…but me.  It has always seemed to eluded me.

I could ponder why.  Most will say that it is because I haven’t met the right one.  One friend told me that even though she was happily married, I was better of never being or getting married because it just isn’t worth it.  Only a portion of that was her exact wording, I was stuck on the part where she could be happily married and yet seemingly against it at the same time.  Everyone has such a different vision of love and marriage.

These two have been together for several years.  Over 2000 plus days, from my understanding.  A lot of up and downs, heartbreaks.  To me that says a lot right there.  Not a lot of people can say that and these two are young.  I think from what I know that they have been through, not a lot will break them.  I do realize that people change and that things between people change, but I am pulling for them.

I am not sure how I feel about doing weddings.  The lovey dovey and what not.  I think it is because when you don’t have it and you want it, watching everyone else get it-well, it just makes it a bit cringe worthy.  I am hoping that it was it is and that I’m not some Scrooge when it comes to love.  My family wasn’t huge on showing affection when I was younger and so certain displays of emotion elude me.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t like romance and all that jazz.  Actually, I’m not sure what it really means.

I don’t mind doing small weddings.  I actually met these two while photographing my friend’s wedding back in 2017.  However, doing weddings for people you know is different than doing it for people you don’t.   I have only photographed four weddings.  The first one was a daughter for a friend at the time.  Then two sets of friends, and then this couple…a growing friendship and they live behind me.  So, I don’t know.  It changes things a bit when you do a wedding for people you know and are comfortable around.

Anyway, I don’t mind doing small weddings. At least so far.  The thought of doing an overly large wedding is a bit nerve racking, but I think I could handle it.  I would hope.  I also think that marriage is worth it.  That is with the right person.  I know that I’m not alone there.  It is a beautiful thing.  Seeing people in love and that truly care for each other, do anything for each other.  I’m glad that I was chosen to help capture that them.  I’m also very sorry that got so sappy.  That was an unexpected, unintentional turn of events.  DSC_4466I might have a little Scrooge in me when it comes to lovey, dovey love as that sap I just spilled made me a bit nauseous.  Either way, I still like to hope that the day will come when I, too, get to walk down the aise with some cowboy who’s willing to spend my days with me.  That little sappy tree hugger in me likes to think that there is someone for us all.

With that said, I must call it day.  There is work to do and pictures to edit.  I hope that you like the pictures I’ve posted so far.  The bride is happy.  Now off to finish getting through the rest.

Live, laugh, love, and let it ride.

Buffaloed by Pipe Dreams

DSC_3034It has been about four years since my original visit to Wyoming.  I wanted to be super exited about this trip.  My photography skills had improved, I wasn’t taking the zone, it’s early enough in the season that it shouldn’t be busy, and overall it should just be a great trip.  That is what I thought.

I didn’t start in Wyoming.  I stopped in South Dakota to rest up because I was driving.  It should have only taken me half a day to get to Wyoming, but I took advantage of the time and it took me a good 12 or so hours to actually arrive.  Now for those that have not visited the Grand Tetons or Yellowstone, the majority of the campsites are first come-first serve.  Most are also not open very early in May, so I am thinking it is early enough that I can get a campsite and the parks won’t be busy….Yeah, I was wrong…so very, very wrong.
DSC_3041Since I didn’t get to the Tetons until well after 9 at night, it was too late to go to any of the three campgrounds that were open.  At the time, at least two of them had not filled yet.  Two of them were also in Yellowstone, which by the luck of all that is mine…were still a few hours away and I was exhausted but I was positive and thinking I got this. It will be fine.

I won’t whine about sleeping in my car, but I slept in my car which my body didn’t approve of.  I woke up early as I always do, so I headed for Yellowstone because I wanted to spend the day there.  It also contained two of the campgrounds and they were the cheapest out of the three that were open.  Thinking I still had time, I stopped at Old Faithful.  Some of you may remember that my first visit to Old Faithful was not fulfilling as he proved to unreliable after I stood around for hours waiting for him to go off which he never did.  He made up for it, but this is not about that.  He’ll be another day.  DSC_3050After Old Faithful, I took a hike and as I was finishing my loop this beautiful beast appeared.  I sat down on a log about two fancy RV’s away and eventually he wondered closer, but he was paying me no mind.  I snapped some pictures and decided to go to the convenient store across the way and grab some food since I had yet to eaten.
DSC_3045When I walked in I saw a restaurant of sorts and chose to eat there instead.   If you stop in Yellowstone, I recommend the Old Faithful Basin.  I cannot attest to their bison meat, but their regular burgers are pretty amazing.  With that said, after I finished I went on my way.

As I’m walking I see this undetermined figure at the time motioning to something.  I realize that this beauty was still lingering and made his way to a tree.  For some reason, this figure seemed focused on me. I don’t know why and I would have said otherwise until I took another couple of steps and the undetermined became a woman yelling at me that I was too close to the bison.  I assure my fellow blog readers, I was not.  I was still over a fancy RV and a half away and the farthest thing from his eyesight and his mind.  Ms. Yeller on the other hand, was barely a car length away and so was the guy standing the sidewalk adjacent from her, so why she was so fixated on me…I’ll never know.    Think she wasn’t?  I didn’t want to think so either.DSC_3053After spewing some things that I know she couldn’t actually hear like, “I’m not too close. I know what I’m doing,”  she turned and walked away.  As she was walking away I took another step and unbeknownst me, she had noticed and yelled at me to walk around.  Well, as I was walking around I noticed there was a guy literally two feet from Mr. Beauty’s hind side and yet I’m the one that she was worried about.

As I got closer, I realized that she was a ranger of sorts. I’m guessing a new ranger because I have never seen the rangers out there before and no one was yelling at me when I was a lot closer.  Now, I realize that she was just doing her job and I cannot truly knock her for that.  She didn’t know me and to her, I was just some dumb tourist with a camera.  But here’s a secret, folks, I may push my luck and I do but I never push it to the extent that I am disrespecting the animal or intentionally putting them, or myself, in danger.  If I am considerably too close, they came into my space…rarely the other way around.  I do get closer than the “rule” allows, but I maintain, watch, observe, and read.  I am usually not the problem.  And everyone that was involved this day, I was the least likeliest to be hurt.  Not to mention, if he had wanted to charge….it wouldn’t have mattered how far away any of us were.  DSC_3062So, after getting yelled at by Jr. Ranger…again, this time for stepping off the path for trying to get out of someone’s way, I had-had it with Old Faithful.  I decided to try and find the Yellowstone campgrounds, one of which was still and hour away and the other which was still more so than that.  I drove and drove and soon realized how mistaken I was that there wouldn’t be a crowd this time of year.   I also under estimated the number of trails that would actually be open for non-snow prepared hikers.  Hint:  none.  DSC_3067 I eventually found the first campground and it was now full.  I didn’t bother looking for the other two because what took me a short time to get took forever to get back to.  Between being the fixture of someone’s misplaced anger, traffic, construction, and bear traffic (not as exciting as it sounds and a story for another day) I was reaching my limitations.  I headed back to the Tetons where there was less snow, less rangers, and a tolerable amount of traffic.  DSC_3068Despite all of that, I made the most out of my time and got some decent pictures of this beautiful boy.  I never did get a campground, it became unworthy of the trouble.  I’d also decided that the next day would be my last day in the Grand Teton/Yellowstone area.  Too many tourist for early May and too many people messing with my vibe.  It was time to move on.  I hope you think the pictures are worth it, though.  He’s one of the only things that made my day in Yellowstone worth it.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography