Tag Archive | rambling

The Horizon…

DSC_4556I was going to write something, but the words are lost.  Probably somewhere deep in translation.  Lingering around wanting to reveal themselves, but not really knowing how.  Tangled up with a bunch of other words and feelings.  Not being able to come together to form a coherent and logical thought.  Unable to find the correlation between many of them.  We have all been there.

I have news.  It is good news, and yet for some reason I am unable to bring myself to really share it.  I should share it. I should want to share it. I should be excited to share it. I should be excited about it.  Yet, I am unable to find myself excited about it.  Probably because of the disruption it causes.  This could have gone three ways.  One unfavorable, one unfavorable with little to no disruption to daily life, and one that totally uproots my life.  It should have been assumed that it would be the one that totally uproots my life.  Isn’t that always the way that it works out?

There could be many other reasons, but I won’t bore you with the details.  For now, I will simply share this picture.  I hope that you like it.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

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Over thinker….

dsc_7330It is no secret that I am an over-thinker.  Chronically so.  I am not sure that there is a good side to over thinking, but it isn’t always negative I suppose.

Today, someone at the gym had stumbled upon The Zoey Lynne Chronicles, which is a Facebook page that I created for my dog and our adventures.  People were enjoying them and encouraged me to create her own page for them.  With that said, so began The Zoey Lynne Chronicles.  Anyway,  he was telling me how he stumbled across them.  To make a long story short, it got me thinking….overthinking.

I have been thinking a lot about things I say and things I post.  Things I used to post.  Things that I do not want people to see because they no longer reflect who I am.  I meant them at the time and I am not anything if not one who owns her ****, but in today’s world our past **** can come back and haunt us because of the internet.  I am a nobody, but so the odds of someone digging up my past to break me down…well, it is probably not going to happen.  Just the same, though.  When I meet someone new or someone I have interacted with sends me a friend’s request or reads my blog, I cannot help but wonder how far back they are going to look and I start over thinking the things that I post.

I had pondered going back and deleting all my old post, even all my old blog post but then I started thinking….again.  What is it going to accomplish to go back and delete a bunch of old post that I now find embarrassing or might leave a fowl taste in someone’s mouth?  Honestly, nothing more than wasting my time.  I do not intentionally set out to offend anyone.  Well….maybe a few deserving idiots, but other than that it is not something that I tend to do purposely and I definitely try not to make  a habit out of it.

Those posts.  Those blog posts.  They are old.  Some are years old, but they also reflect and old me.  I have had temper tantrums. I have had dumb moments.  I have said things that make me feel foolish.  We could delve into the psychological reason for that, but we won’t.  Above all else, though, they have also been learning experiences or reminders of how I felt at that minute and the fact that I do not wish to feel that way again.  All of that sounds ridiculously cheesy and kind of makes me cringe, but just the same.

I will probably always over think things; especially, when it comes to talking to people or putting things out there for people to read.  I am just learning to care a little less about the outcome.  At least I’m trying to care a little less.  We all have those moments when we feel dumb for something we did or say.  We all have those moments where we realize that we probably should have chosen our words a bit more carefully.  We all cannot control how people perceive what we said or how they take it.  We cannot control what they choose to do with it or how they choose to continue with us.  It just is what it is and I’m too old to spend too much time continuously worrying about every little thing.  I am who I am and I can only hope that is good enough.  I am who I am because of who I used to be…isn’t that the case for all of us?

As for this little birdie.  It was the day after…that is not going to work.  Trying to explain all the little details of this picture.  I think that I’ve said this before, but the best pictures are the ones that I tend not to think about.  And this is one of them.  I don’t remember the settings. I could look them up, but I’m not going to.  I barely remember the conditions of the day.  It was cold and the bird was clearly in a tree, but not much more than that.  I was just walking around with the zone and the camera.  Just snapping whatever suited my fancy at the time.

I guess that is why I never truly address the “art” side of my photography.  I just kind of play around with the settings until I get the desired set and then in post I just see where the photo is at when uploaded and go from there.  Then I post them here and/or FB and Instagram and just hope for the best.  I try not to over think them.  When I do that I become unsatisfied and doubt my ability to provide something worthy.  So, this is what I’m doing for now…just hoping for the best.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Reflections

dsc_0445 (2)bwI want to take this time to apologize, because I have had a moment of reflection.  My post the other day was a little deeper than I meant for it to be.  Possibly too much information?  I really only spoke the thoughts in my head at the time, but it caused a turn that I hadn’t really intended on taking.  So, I apologize.  I also felt that my post took away from the picture, which is a shame because the picture was pretty amazing in my opinion, but I digress.

Truth is, I’m not really in a funk, which is another phrase that I’m not a fan of but it is the only one to suit the need on hand.  Anyway, I’m really not.  It may have seemed that way, but I’m not.  I’m just…my mind is constantly running and trying to figure things out.

Photography doesn’t fit the same mold for me that it did when I started this blog post.  I wanted to make a business out of it and do people involved photos shoots (Head shots, family photos, weddings).  Part of me still does, but really only if.  There are just so many photographers, so many artist.  Not sure where I fit into the mold and so I think the whole trying to fit into the mold has gotten me lost and lost the a sense of what drove me in the first place.  I know that I’m not alone.  We have all been there and we all have our place.   I know all that as well.

It might be a bit of the lingering aftermath of 2018 that has my spurs all twisted up in tumbleweed.  All I am truly sure of is my goals for right now.  Over the next couple of months, I am hoping to successfully complete my bachelor’s degree as I’m in the final stages of that.  I am hoping to know by May whether I am accepted into a grad program for the fall.  Then I can truly start making steps towards goals and plans.

Each month barring ridiculously cold weather that annoys me, I’m hoping to start projects that I am wanting to do.  Get back into painting.  There are some things that I would like to try where that is concerned.  Some photography projects.  Some more writing.  And just revisiting my photography from a more centered place.

Everything needs to be from a more centered place, which means that I need to be more centered. For vacation this year I am thinking of taking two weeks and just hitting a few states before settling down for camping in South Dakota, or I might start out there.  I’m not sure.  There are some places that I want to see there that I’ve still yet to see.   Just being out in nature and getting right with my soul.

This also means that my blog will be undergoing changes.  I probably won’t be posting everyday as I originally planned.  Once a week for sure, maybe a couple of other times but not everyday.  I hope that you will stick around for the ride, but I know I’ve said it a hundred times over and hopefully this will be the year that things really do improve.

For now, I leave you with that and a picture of one of the original chairs from Poet’s Table.  These chairs are no more.  I think most may remember the story.  The Poet’s Table was originally built decades ago by a man looking to get right by his soul.  It had sat hidden in Custer State Park since the day he built it with hikers finding it upon occasion.  It became a place to leave wishes, prayers, writings, and whatever else to show you were there.  I discovered it last year when a fellow hiker took the time to show me where it was.  A few months later, a couple of girls took it upon themselves to destroy it because they felt that it was an eye sore that had become vandalized.  Kind of ironic in a way.  I’m not sure what happened to them.  I’m not sure they were prosecuted even though what they did was technically a crime since the table had long become part of the park.  Either way, good Samaritans built a new table and chairs that now sit in the same place as the old.  It will become something new, but what once was is long gone.  Years of people’s memories and stories gone, but that is a soapbox for another day.

I hope that you like this picture.  It is still one of my favorites.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Envision

envisionEnvision.

I am not sure what I envision this year to be.  What does that even mean?  Envision.  I mean, I know what the dictionary meaning is.  “To picture mentally, especially some future event or events” or in short (and as the example listed on dictionary.com)  “to envision a brighter future”.  That is what I want.   To envision a positive outcome for 2019.

Someone whom I respect in wisdom and talent posted about questions of others.  Thing that keep them up at night.  Things like the inevitable ending.  Truth be told, that is what haunts me at night.  I do not sleep because of it, but the psychologist in me knows that really it is inevitable and the actual issue is the state of affairs in which my life entails.  Or the lack there of.  I’m a visionary.  A dreamer.  I’m a restless soul that somewhere along the line got lost and way off track from anything that I ever envisioned as I was growing up.

There is so much that I want to do in this life.  I want to go to Taiwan and volunteer at the elephant sanctuary for a day (and of course tour the area, but mainly visit the elephants).    I want to go on a safari exploration of Africa.  See gorillas in Uganda. Lions. Wild dogs.  I want to follow my friend’s footsteps and go on a trail ride in the 50 states.  She takes photos to paint letter (which are amazing), mine would stay photographs (hopefully half as amazing).  I want to study certain cultures. Buy a house. Get into grad school.  Maybe finally meet the one.  The list goes on. Some are pipe dreams and some are completely obtainable.  I guess that is what I envision for 2019.

I envision getting it right.  Redeeming myself on the errors and making a start on that list of wants that I envision for 2019 and even the years that follow.  For now, I’d just like to even know where to begin.

A friend, associate…truth be told, some days I’m not sure.  Anyway, she keeps asking if I will be doing the big art show and when I said no, she asked why.  I didn’t really know what to say.  It is in September and that is a long time away.  Truth be told, I think that is my only hang up.  Last year, I knew where I would be come September.  Right now, I’m not sure where I will be come summer.  My rent is too high.  One of the grad schools that I applied to would require that I move states.  Then there is the money involved and everything else.  I just don’t know that I want to commit to anything right now.  Nothing that is far in the future.  One month at a time maybe.  I just don’t know.

So what do you when you are a visionary?  Can you even be a visionary without a plan?  Maybe I am just a dream with cheap wine dreams on a pond water budget.  I’m not sure, but I am going to continue to envision the things that I would like to achieve while I am still here to do them.  Maybe that whole “you can manifest if you believe” thing is true. Only time will tell, I suppose.  Maybe I should go ahead and make a few plans.   Have to have a place to start.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Retrospect….

dsc_7100As in….in retrospect, I shouldn’t have put it in writing that I was going to do some writing or photography everyday.  It hasn’t really worked that way, but it is not for lack of motivation.  It has been for a lack of time to focus to do that.  My day starts at 3am, so my window of non-tiredness declines rapidly once I get a chance to just stop.  I know there are others out there that feel my pain.  I have been posting pictures regularly, but only on FB so I guess that is something.

Oh well.  It is the end of the week and it is still early in the new year.  I still have plenty of room for improvement.  For now, you just get Lucky’s eyes.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Humanity and Animals

DSC_7203.jpgI am not sure where I am going to go with this post to be honest.  I definitely have more faith in one than in the other.

Let me start by saying, I rarely discuss politics in polite company.  I have found it is a topic best reserved for those that you know and click with.  Most rarely have the ability to have a formidable, mature, and logical discussion on the topic.  We are out there, but it is hard for us to find each other.  With that said, I just keep my opinions to myself because the lot that I have to discuss things with….well, I would have better luck convincing a ticked off buffalo to not ram my car than I would to have a calm and collect conversation on political matters.  That excludes, of course, you all. I suspect most of you have a good head on your shoulders but as we don’t know each other in that way…the southern girl in me says “do not discuss politics in polite company.”  So, I try to stray from the matter.

Without delving deep into the topics of such matters,  I do have to say that I think the current administration has brought out the worst in people.  I think that the last administration started the rumbling, but this administration is the pin in the grenade that is about to slip out.  I believe it is all going to come to a head and it is going to be pleasant.  I just hope that it is not of apocalyptic results.

Anyway, the hottest topic is the wall.  I will not discuss it, but someone posted on FB today about the wall in the form of a meme.  This meme said, “You know why you can enjoy yourself at the zoo?  Walls work.”  The person that shared this meme added her own comment, “That’s right. Animals are animals.”  I was appalled at the fact that she referred to the immigrants as animals.

I know that we have often referred to bad people as animals, but in my opinion…the only animals are actual animals.  And the bad people….the ones often referred to as animals, well they are not animals at all.  They are monsters, but to refer to an entire group of people as animals merely because ultimately they scare us-that is not something that we should.  That is just, beyond words to me because it just wreaks of something that I cannot put my finger on.  Hatred. Intolerance.  Anger.  Fear even.

I am not sure how we can get past what is happen in our world.  Or how to get past the political BS when friends and family have shown me lights that I was not sure even possible.  It is sad that one man can cause such a division of the masses.  I figured we would destroy ourselves, but I still hope that I am wrong and that we can recover before it is too late.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

In the Zone

dsc_7244cIn the zone…I am not.  I try to be, but it comes and goes.  I missed yesterday because I had to the work the farm and then we went trail riding. I did take some pictures on my phone but only of the horses that you’ve seen a hundred times over and will probably see a hundred times more (so with that, I spared you).   By the time I got home, it was late and I was quite tired so writing and photography I did not.

I don’t really have anything to ramble about today.  I am thinking about setting “Practices.”  Practices seems like such a strange word to use.  It kind of annoys me to be honest, but right this minute I cannot think of a better word.  Of course with that said, I suppose I should give you some context to my meaning.

On Facebook, I following a writer’s studio here where I live.  As we know, I have been trying to get back into writing and so I’d like to attend workshops and what not.  Of course most of their workshops are way out of my price range.  Hundreds of dollars out of my price league, so I’ve yet to attend any.  Anyway, today they posted a blog post about an upcoming workshop and in this post they talked about setting writing practices.  Basically repetition to keep in the habit and to open up pathways to better writing (or something like that).  It made sense.

It is also something that I’ve been thinking about for sometime, I just didn’t have a name for it.  It is something that I’ve been wanting to do for a while.  Set “practices” for certain things.  Practices…yeah, I really need to figure out a different word.  Some daily…I don’t know.  I will think of something.

I’ve lost my train of thought, though.  In the middle of writing this we lost power.  Some careless wanker forgot it was wet outside and hit a pole causing us to be without power for a couple of hours.  It gave me an excuse to sleep, which I am sure I’ll regret tomorrow (considering I should be getting ready for bed now).  I’ll try this ramble again tomorrow.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography