Tag Archive | rambling

The Words…

DSC_2163I was once reminded that our words are always out there.  Once we put them on the internet, that is it.  Whether we delete them from the original posting or not, they can always be found.

I have been thinking about that a lot lately.  Like a lot, even for me.  I have also been thinking about how one my uncle’s told me once that i had become too different.  The way I thought, my thinking process…it had become too different.  I now sit and wonder the implications of that statement.

I have had a lot of thoughts and I’ve said a lot of words.   I used to think that I never said anything that I didn’t mean, but now I wonder if that is true.  There are so many psychological aspects to why we do and say things that we do.  I am sure that mine came from a place of meaning at the time, but now…looking back, they stand with more question than they did at the time.  Hindsight, am I right?

I won’t delve into all that right now.  I’ve just been thinking about my old blog post and whether they represent what I want them to.  What I thought was me?  I know deleting them may be pointless. Maybe be moot.  Still, I don’t know.  Just bouncing thoughts for now.

The picture above is Picasso.  He is a wild mustang in the basin in Colorado.  He was the first to greet me when I entered the basin.  Let me know I was on the right course, because it took me a while to find it.  The directions failed me, go figure.  The “Verizon go anywhere” apparently has its limitations.  Always has its limitations, or I’m just really good at finding those places that Verizon doesn’t go.

Anyway, at the time Picasso was a lone bachelor.  From my understanding he was ran out of his herd.  The younger generation.  I don’t know what his status is today, I was hoping to make it back there this year to see if he was still about and to spend more time in the basin.  Here’s to hoping that is still an option as we maneuver through our current reality.

Until the next time.  Enjoy the picture.

~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

A New Light

DSC_3990bwThat is really what we need. A new light at this point.

I had originally posted this picture with a different words written.  A much longer post.  A much more soapboxy post, because I had felt bad about the fact these were at a zoo and I felt I needed to justify something about my stance.  Then, I deleted it because I remembered who I was and that people are always going to have opinions.

“Other people’s opinions of me are none of my business.”

That might be paraphrasing a bit, but I read that in a book.  It is true, really.  I spend way too much time worried about other people’s opinions.  I know that this is something that we’ve already established.  Just the same, it doesn’t hurt to be reminded of it so I can remember I don’t kneed to be.

I’ve been tucked away in my apartment for the last several days.  Not because of “The Virus,”  but because of a virus.  I opted to quarantine myself, not only because it is the right thing to do when you are sick, but because everything that compromises our immune system makes us more susceptible to “The Virus,” as I have decided to call it.  It’s lonely, but necessary.  It also makes me think about the impact this virus is going to have on society.

The news surrounding “The Virus” has been mishandled and because of that things have gotten way out of hand.  Because of that, things will never be the same.  I’m worried, if not terrified, about the everlasting effects that this is going to have on us.  Fear is a dangerous, dangerous thing and I’ve always believed that humans are the biggest threat.  Actions of people in the states are proving that.  Things could have been handled differently, they should have been handled differently.  Alas, here we are.

Italy is coming together and having musical gatherings on their balconies while quarantined to their home while here in the states people are fighting over toilet paper and sanitizer.  Clearing off shelves of milk, bread, and other foods.   After thoughts from the toilet paper chaos.   Forgetting that there are elderly people that not only cannot get out to go to the store on their own, but also do not necessarily have the means to buy up every single thing they can.  That there are people that barely have grocery money after bills, let alone enough money to bulk buy for the apocalypse.  Fear is selfish and people, well…I will digress while I am ahead.

Anyway, the point is that we need a new light.  Whatever that may look like to get there, I am unsure but what is happening right now is not the way.  I am not always the most positive person; especially, when I am feeling sad and empty but now is not the time to dump that on people.  I will do my best to post happy thoughts and hope that you enjoy the pictures.  It may be all we have for a while.

This beautiful baby pictured is one of Mshindi’s troop.  I’m still trying to determine the other four.  I think this is Bandia to Tulivu, both females.  Mshindi is the only male in his troop, for what I can only assume are obvious reasons.  The fourth member is Asha, you will meet her late.

I don’t know that I will ever know all of their names, or be able to distinguish them apart but they are beautiful and whether they live in a zoo or not, they deserve to be recognized.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow while trying to stay positive.

~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

Fine Line

DSC_3990bwI sat and watched them for what seemed like hours.  It was not.  The zoo was crowded and there were a million opinions flying.  Idiotic frat boys calling out the gorilla names in a mocking tone in attempts to gain their attention.  Then making jokes.  Or the million parents “oohing and awing” as they pointed out the animals to their young-ins.  That is the life of a zoo.

As I watched them, I was sad.  I do get a bit excited as I see the big Silverback eyeing the crowd.  Or the rest of his troop soaking up the sun.  This excitement is often short lived.

I look at their eyes and watch the way that they watch us.  I wonder what they are thinking.  I believe that they know there is more to life than what is in the confinements of their walls.  They are not stupid animals.  They watch.  They observe.  They know.

The fact that I am at the zoo is misleading enough for some.  This paired with the fact that I realize I may never see these animals otherwise may lead some to deduce that I am “glad” for zoos.  That is a quote and this is not to call anyone out.  The comment was meant in a kindhearted, educated manner.  However, it led me to feel I needed to clarify something.

I am not naive to the situation of zoo animals.  My acceptance of zoos should also not be misconstrued as being “glad”, “happy”  that they exist.  Zoos are a man-made.  Made because humans are selfish.  Made because some humans have good intentions in a less than desirable situation.  Still zoos are a necessary evil….not all zoos.  There is a fine line and there are some “zoos” that should most definitely not be called zoos.  Alas, zoos are inevitable and the animals that live there…they can no longer live out in the wild, or never lived there to begin with.  I’m not lost to the disheartening implications of this.

I am also not naive, or foolish, enough to believe that zoos indicate “wild animals.”  I am well aware that there is no wild left in these animals.   They have instincts by nature, but that essence in which makes them “wild,”  well, man took that from them a long-long time ago.

We often make assumptions of people, because we hold in such high regard our own situations and opinions.  We tend to be dismissive and think we know their character because we view our perspective as so much better.  Though, the comment that provoked this post was meant as nothing more than a kind-hearted perspective for consideration…it still left me feeling bad, because of the fact that I went to a zoo.

I would do anything to hop on a plane and go gallivanting in the mountains of Uganda on a gorilla trekking tour.  Sweat it up in the Congo.  This is  high on the bucket list, but it is also a decades worth of pay.   Maybe had I been a different person, the idea of this type of trip wouldn’t seem so financially impossible.  However, this girl….she’s made many of mistakes.  Financial obligations that make achieving such a “once in a lifetime” trip almost unattainable.   This does not mean that it is not important to me.  It does not mean that it is not something that I want.  It means that I am realistic about my situation and the odds of it being achieved; especially, in a world where our tomorrow is very much in jeopardy.

I watch live safari viewings and things of that nature.  Animal documentaries when I have the chance, but it doesn’t replace seeing them in person.  Seeing them in a zoo…by no means does that introduce to the same animal we would see in the wild, but this is the world that we live in .

I would hope that in my time blogging, and the occasions that I speak upon animals, that my care and love for animals has become quite apparent.  That I would not go to the zoo to be unkind, unloving, or lacking in decent behavior.  I actually am naive enough to believe that the fees we pay to get into the zoo, that they actually go towards the well-being of the animals.

Whether we like it or not, this is their home.  They deserve recognition and they deserve the funding to ensure that they are able to maintain their lives, because if not….the next situation may be even less ideal.  I also like to believe that being able to go t the zoo gives me the opportunity to “check up” on the animals, evaluate the situation, and make notes of the things that I can demand change for.  That is where I fall on the naive scale, I know, but it is the best option to an extremely unfortunate situation.

We view situations and make assumptions about what should be.  This is fine, but we also do not tend to think about the alternatives.  We want to believe everything would be coming up daisies if the situations were different, but sometimes that pretty little flower is still just a weed.  Sanctuaries here in the states, not really any better than zoos.  Most of these animals, should the zoos be closed, would not go “wild life preserves.”  They would go to other zoos, or “sanctuaries.”  They will never be released into the wild and the alternatives are not always the best.   Not all zoos are also bad places.  Not all zoos are good places.  There are places that have animals that should very much be shut down and have their hides beat to the next day.  We have to pick our battles and we have to think of the outcome.  Outcomes are not always what we want them to be.

Again, this does mean that I am “glad” that zoos exist.  It means that I accept that they do and I realize the alternative could be worse.  I am not malevolent towards animals and my going to a zoo shouldn’t be misconstrued as otherwise.  I’m also sorry if that puts my character into question.  If it makes you think less of me because of such.  There’s really nothing that can be done about that.

I just wanted to see beautiful gorillas. I wanted to share photos that I was proud of, because at the end of the day…they are still big beautiful animals that deserve to be seen.

I am sorry for the ranty type post.  I really just needed to get it off my chest as the comment I read…well, again…over-thinker and so it has been running rapidly through my head.  It marinated overnight and so I really just wanted to state my peace.

I appreciate everyone’s opinions because we all have them.  I also appreciate everyone that takes the time to read my blog.  I hope that you like the picture.

Live, laugh, love, and let it ride.
~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

The Look

DSC_6721API love gorillas, but there was something about this guy that was captivating.  I could have spent all day watching him.

They call him Mshindi.  He was born and raised in the zoo life.  I wish that wasn’t his life, but it is what it is I suppose.   I am hoping that the world doesn’t come crashing down so I can visit him again.  I’d also like to meet Ndume in person, even if it is from a distance.

Ndume lived with Koko The Gorilla for over 30 years.  When she passed away, fits were thrown and decisions were made that Ndume should go to the Cincinnati zoo.  He is the reason I am now a fan of Mshindi.

I didn’t get to see Ndume, because he’s not allowed out on the weekends from what I’m told.  He still loves people too much and so crowded days are hard for him and since they are trying to acclimate him to zoo life, he’s only allowed out when it is not as crowded (week days).  I will not get on my soapbox about it, but it made me sad.  It all makes me sad, but I digress.

It is weird how that works.  As I watched Mshindi, I became sad.  He was bored and it seemed to me as if he knew there was more to life than be on exhibit.  I know most won’t agree with that, but he knows he traveled from one zoo to another.  They’re also not stupid animals.  If there is an uprising, it will be gorillas and monkeys and I’m pretty sure that Mshindi might be leading the charge.  A real life “Rise of the Planet of the Apes,”  if you will.  Just the looks he would give those hollering his name because they were trying to be funny, there were a couple of times I got the impression they were lucky there was a mote between them and him.

I posted another picture of him yesterday that I liked, but it was a solemn post.  The stress of the current situation was wearing on me and I got in my head.  I’ll repost that picture at some point.  In the meantime, I hope that you like this one.

Live, laugh, love, and let it ride.
~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

Rise…

DSC_3716bwI don’t really know if we can at this point.  The world, the states….we are crashing.  With due reasoning, but we are crashing.

A couple of weeks ago, my fear was just losing my job.  Now, a new virus threatening the existence of humans.  I do not tend to react the way that most people would want, or necessarily the way that I should; however, even I am growing a bit concerned.

A few weeks ago, my concern was Him.  He who holds a seat that he never should have been given.  My fear was the implications of another four years.  Now, a virus that is spreading.

I refuse to give into the panic of it all, which some consider flippant.  That is not at all the case.  Just because I do not react the way that you do, it doesn’t mean that I am not concerned.  It does not mean that I am not thinking about it, or the implications of catching it.  The implication of too many people catching it and ending up in quarantine.

I have questions.  We all have questions.  Questions that are not being answered.  Questions in which there are too many answers, too many conflicting answers.  Questions in which there are no answers.

I am relatively healthy.  Outside of a few aches and pains, the occasional tension headache…me getting sick.  It is rare.  I catch a cold once every couple of years.  I haven’t gotten the flu in years.  I have no heart issues. I do not have diabetes or high cholesterol, but the truth is….I’m not as young as I use to be and in the wake of all the chaos of this new virus…I’ve developed a scratchy throat and a stuffy nose.  If I believe what I read, it is not the virus at hand.  These are not common symptoms, there are no known cases in my area and I already have a very limited interaction with people but it is still in the back of my mind.

I am selfish.  It is not getting sick that worries me.  I want to believe I am healthy enough to survive it, but I do fear the implications of it all.  There are things that I want to do.  Vacations that I wanted to take.  I am supposed to travel to Ohio next month to photograph a wedding.  There are things that I want to accomplish.  Things that are all at risk between this new health risk and the continued risk of losing my job (since there are still two more rounds of lay-offs coming).  My security is being threatened.  My safety net torn.  I think this is where a lot of  us are at.

My fear is also people’s reactions to this potential threat.  If we can even continue to call it a potential threat.  I mean, it’s here….we just do not know to what extent.  We are at the mercy of media and conflicting reports.  Still, my fear is the people.  People do not react well when they are scared.  People lose all common sense and what lingering respect they had for the sake of others.  My fear is people becoming the thing to fear the most.

We are at a point in our lives when I wish that things really were like they are in the movies.  The guy photographed above,  he would be teaching his troop sign language and planning the uprising of apes.  (He’s a gorilla, calm down…I am aware of this fact).    I would help the apes in a heartbeat, assuming that I was immune to the ape flu that wiped out humane.  Strangely that is something else that I worry about, should our world shut down…what happens to them.  The animals that have come so dependent on us to take care of them.  There are so many consequences.

I know that I should be worried about humans, but I worry about both.  My grandmother is in a nursing home.  Neither she nor my grandpa are in good health.  I am scared across the board.

I am rambling at this point.  I have so many thoughts.  The guy above, he’s Mshindi and he calls the Cincinnati Zoo home.  I have mixed feelings about that, but it is all he has ever known.  He was born and raised in zoos.  Some life.  30 plus years in captivity.  I could go into a soapbox about that, but I won’t.  He is a captivating beast and if it wasn’t for zoos, I may never get to see creatures like him in real life.

I hope that we are able to rise above this and this virus will fade with the seasons and that by the time it returns at full strength, that they have found some kind of vaccine either to help cure it or at least prevent it.  I am hoping that we can return to some level of normalcy.  I don’t know if that is possible, but I am hoping.

~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

The Sky is Blue

DSC_5535Honestly, right now that is the only thing that I’m sure of.

Weeks ago, I was planning my vacation.  Or at least planning on how I’d take a vacation and move at the same time.  Weeks ago, I had a plan.  I should have known that would bite me because me planning things…it always comes with landmines waiting to explode.

Next week, after weeks of waiting, I will find out if I’m saved from the first round of lay-offs.  I celebrated 11 years this past Monday and my consolation prize may be a severance package.  I’ve tried to remain positive up to this point.  We don’t know what’s going to happen.  They’ve been saying this for years.  Telling myself all the things we tell ourselves to see the silver lining, but the truth is…they’ve taken our work and there is not enough to sustain us and the end run is to eliminate us all together.  That has always been the plan.

I can’t even complain about it being because my work was outsourced, because it’s not really outsourcing if the company getting your work is a subsidiary company of the one you work for.  Yeah…how great is that? I mean, it’s a great opportunity.  Like…good for them.  Not so much for those of us that have been waiting for weeks to find out if we are going to actually lose our jobs.

I never really thought this day would come, but here I am.  Coming weeks after I chose to turn down my grad seat because I couldn’t be sure that financially I could make the move work.  Now, I scramble to find another program willing to take a chance on me.  Somewhere I know that it was the right decision, but with all that is going on….it is just one more thing.

2020 hasn’t really sucked for me so far, but February alone can buck off.  I’ve battled injury after injury.  Yeah…bring on March, because I refuse to let February define the rest of the year.  Of course that may change depending on what happens next week, but I’m also choosing to believe that everything really does happen for a reason.  That reason may be that people are just greedy jerks, but there has to be a reason.  A purpose.  If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.

It may not sound like it, but I’m not really hateful or angry…I’m just feeling stressed, anxious…but this could be a good thing and I am choosing to believe that.  With that said, it also doesn’t change the fact that right now all I’m sure of is that the sky is blue and that mountains are beautiful.

Thank you for sticking around.  I’m not sure what is next, but for now I plan on continuing my blog as soon as I sort myself out.

Live, laugh, love, and let it ride.
~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

Still Leaning

DSC_0363Still leaning….seems fitting as that is what I feel like I’m doing at this present moment.  This new year hasn’t gotten off to a bad start, but it is not really a good start.  It’s kind of leaning somewhere in between.  Some would say that it is up to me as far as which direction it goes.  We shall see.

As I write this, I’m actually sitting in Discount Tire for literally the second time in just over three months.  The last time was while I was in Tennessee.  I had picked up a pretty hefty little screw that was relentless with the need to release the air from tire.  Today, ironically, same tire but smaller screw….go figure.  I cannot help but ponder the implications of that.  I do know that there is no big strong man to put my tire back on for me this time.  That is fine, I’ll make the guys here do it.  I’m much too pretty to be changing my own tire all the time.  I really shouldn’t have to be changing my tire all the time, but I digress.

That was a bit dramatic.

I haven’t really had to change them that much.  It’s only been like three times since I got these tires November 2018 and come to think of it, it is always the same tire but not the same tire.  There is something about my driver side back tire space that just makes the tires not enjoy their life and feel the need to pick up hitchhiking screws.  All about the adventure, I suppose.

This is the third time which ever tire is in that position has to have a patch (or even possibly replaced this time) and it is always a screw.  How does that work?  If I didn’t know any better, I would think that someone is purposely putting a screw by my tire to run over.  I know that is highly unlikely, but it is quite peculiar-don’t you think?

Anyway, again, I digress.

Now, that I’ve rambled my little annoyance about sitting in Discount Tire (which I’m really considering placing stock in), I’ll move on.

I have been deep in thought about my blog.   The last few post didn’t really take the tone that I really meant to put out there.  That could be said for most of my post on here.  I know that someone will say that it is my blog and I can put what I want out there, but truth is…I don’t really like that girl.  She was angry, sad…for due reasons, but just the same.  It is not who I want to be and I’m really trying to work on the negativity.  I’ve probably said that a 100 times over on here, but that is my goal for this year…as well as following through.

Not a new year’s resolution, mind you.  No, I am not a new year’s resolutioner, but I am a goal setter.  I guess it could be said to be the same thing, but I’m not sure that it is.  Anyway,  my entire life I’ve been bad about following through on things.  When things do not go as I had planned, or they are way harder than they are supposed to be, or my life gets the best of me…I tend to give up.  I’m working on not doing that anymore.  I do not know if that means, I will be posting more but it mean something.

I got wrapped up in my thoughts there for a second and now have forgotten where else I was going to go with that.  Shocker.  I baked cookies yesterday and managed to mess them up twice, even though I was reading the directions.  The second batch was edible, the first batch was not.  Consequences of getting lost in my thoughts and now I’m rambling.

I do not know how many of you remember this tree.   I posted it about four years ago.  Not this picture, no-but this exact same tree.  The original was taken in July of 2015 (see below).  70455693_2555805407811206_8825561407006179328_o(1)I had a better camera and a better lens this time, but there is something to be said for the old one as well.

I don’t know that I expected the tree to still be standing.  I am not sure what I thought to be sure.  I guess I figure a leaning tree is eventually a falling tree.  It clearly has not fallen.  There is something to be said for that, I suppose.  I’m always looking symbolism and I do have a hankering for philosophy, so what better place to look then trees.  I know that was bad, but it will get worse-just give me a minute.

If a leaning tree has roots strong enough to keep standing, I guess that I can find mine too (told you I could do worse).  Or something even cheesier than that.  It’s okay to smile, or even roll your eyes.  I just did.

I really do not know what 2020 has in store for anything in my life.  I do know that I will keep trucking on, even if at a lean.  I’ve still got a ton of photos from last year to post, which is good because I do not know if I will get any major trips in this year.  I will keep photos coming, though.  Thank you for sticking around.

Live, Laugh, Love, and Let it ride.
~SMH~