Tag Archive | poetry

Holding Together

DSC_4073HOLDING TOGETHER

Sunset, and passing a fence
The idea that all that holds us together
Like the pieces of wood, bowed in the middle of the barricade
Is our softness. Only the resolution
In such kindness
Keeps us from going over the edge, Or down With the sun.

~J. MacLean.  Jun 9, 1981 – Sep 13, 2019~

I have tried to come back to the blog world on many of occasions.  I’ve not had it in me.  Of course it would take this to bring it out.  A death.  A suicide.  A lost soul.  I’m sure there is some psychological reasoning behind it.  I know that there is.  Being lost is part of the reason I’ve been gone.

This soul was not someone I ever knew in person.  We had a long 10 plus year online friendship that started in the world of Myspace over writings and photography.  Mainly writing back then.  It would transfer to Facebook. It would be consistent until we had a disagreement about….suicide.  It seems ironic now.  The callous part of me, the angry part of me screams about the irony of it.  This friend, his stance was that suicide is selfish.  Mine would be that it is not selfish because we do not know what that person is going through.  How lonely and heart broken and lost that person has to be to choose that path.  The irony would be that it became his reality.

I know not the details.  Just what I’ve read and pieced together from his family.  He was walking along a road.  Lonely, lost, deep in sadness, deep in darkness.  He was hit by a commercial truck.  He chose to be hit by the truck.  Chose to end his life.  His pain.  His suffering.  Most will view it has selfish.  I hold true to my truth, which is we don’t know how much pain he was in to make this decision.  How lonely and lost he had to feel.   I’m angry because years early that same man chose to end a friendship with me because of my view and because he felt that I was going through something because I refused to argue with him over it.  We reconnected. He claimed to not remember what it was about.  I chose not to remind him. It no longer mattered anyway.  It was the past.  This was the now.

Even in the now, I knew something was different. I just figured people change.  People go through Facebook phases where they eventually don’t post as much or just leave Facebook all together.  I figured this was him, but somewhere I knew. I SHOULD have known because I have seen it in me.  The cries for help. The desperate attempts to get someone to notice, but because of my own “being lost” I ignored him.  Maybe some of me was still in a place where I knew we weren’t the friend we once were.  I honestly do not know.  What I do know is hindsight is an evil part of life that makes you smack yourself in the head, because it is so obvious now.  It is always so obvious after the fact.

My heart is broken but it is more so over a life that became so lost he felt he had no other choice but to end.  For the fact that my own stubborn pride kept us from reconnecting sooner.  I had thought about it, but I am stubborn as hell.  My anger is not just over the situation but the fact that once again I am in a position where all I have is the regrets of everything that should have been and that sadness is not mine to hold because of the situation.    Anger over the things that I keep saying that I’m going to do but that allow to just go the waste side because of…life.

We all know someone who is suffering in the darkness.  If you see changes in someone, acknowledge them.  If you sense something, investigate.  I hate sayings like, “be the change,”  but the truth is….one call, one gesture, one moment it truly can change everything.

I chose the above picture because J. MacLean actually wrote three pieces to go with three pictures that I had taken.  This picture was one, the poem is the one it goes with.   He submitted them, now I will never know how that turned out for him.  He had planned on more, I suspect that it never came.  I don’t know where you are in your life, but live it and find away to love it.  Know if you are in the darkness, you are not alone even though I know it seems that way.  I always listen to a stranger, so come to me if you need.  Don’t let the darkness swallow you, don’t let it swallow someone you love.  We never get the chance to go back.

Live, laugh, love, and let it ride.
~Montana Rose Photography~

Ode to the Woodpecker

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Oh, Mr. Woodpecker
I hear you
Hiding in the woods
Pecking away on your chosen one

You’re somewhere nearby
I look for you
Your pecking stops
You’re nowhere to be found
I continue on

It starts again
That alluring calling
Sound of your beak
Tearing away on wood

It taunts me
Teasing me
Peck, peck, peck
100 beats per sec

I swear you moved
Your peckings
They are in my ear
I look again
Still see you I do not
I move on

Your pecking follows me
Closer than before
I try to ignore you
Your game of hide and seek

It’s a game you usually win
I know I will not find you
Yet your pecking persist
It becomes hard to resist

I stop
You stop
I look
There you are

You look
You fly away
Your wings almost smile
It’s like a joke

I roll my eyes
Another picture lost
Silly bird
I knew better than to try
I move on

There’s your pecking again
In front of me
Beside me
You’ve called upon friends
And now its everywhere

Pecking echos around me
But yours was distinct
Your little call
Taunting me from behind

Figures that is where it would be
The direction from which I came
I look
It’s only you I see

Off in the distance
Too high
Too far
Too late

You look at me
I look at you
A second passes by
You go back to pecking away

I hear that
Your Woody Woodpecker laugh
You know I am not coming back
You’ve won the round
And you let it be known

With every chipped piece of wood
Every peck in my ear
You tease me with your pecking call
Just mocking me as I walk away

Well played, Mr. Woodpecker
Well played

2018 ~SMH~

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Hiding in the Grass

Hiding in the grass
Beneath everyone’s feet
Deep in the weeds
Where nobody can see
Just me and my own
High or low
Doesn’t matter I know
I always have the wind
Lingering beneath my wings
SONY DSCSONY DSC SONY DSC SONY DSCMontana Rose Photography ~2015~