Tag Archive | moments

Journal Entry #505

DSC_2853I know that I should stay in my car.  There are too many other cars and someone else will decide to get out.  Someone always thinks that they need to join me.  “She’s doing it, why can’t I.”  They’ll get out and get all involved and muck of the moment.  Probably tick off the beauties, run them off.  Oh, good they are leaving.

I get out of my car and find a place on the pavement.  I can hear the voices now, “They’re dangerous and unpredictable.”  Yes, I know.  I’ve got this.  I’m at least three fancy RV lengths away.  I respect them. I’m not imposing my presence on them and I’m not running up to them.  It will be fine.

Seriously, don’t get your spurs all rusted up and tangled up in tumbleweed.  I was hiking yesterday and ran into like 6 and a coyote and lived to tell about.  Besides, if it is my time to go…what better way to go at the moment.
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I feel like I’m being stared at. Am I being stared at?  Where is that coming from?

Hey there, cutie! Are you looking at me?  Is he looking at me?  Maybe he’s just afraid that I will reach out and touch him.  There’s plenty of space, he can go far around me.  He’s not going around me.  Is he coming up to me? Surely, he’s not coming up to me?  He’s getting awfully close. Should I be worried? I should probably get back in my car.  Yes, I should most definitely get back in my car.  Oh, my.

Well, hello there.  Are you going to eat my camera?  Are you going to eat me?  Is your mama going to come slam me against the car.  Crap.  Here comes a car. They’re slowing down and staring. I need to act like I’m avoiding you.

He’s following me. Are you following me?  He’s seriously following me.  Why are you following me?  Must stop smiling.  We’ve gone around my entire car.  The other car has driven past.  Can I pet you?  No, no I should not pet you. I cannot take you home and call you George. I’m going to do it. Wait…no, there’s another car.  I’m going to leave now.
DSC_2860Stop looking at me like that. I cannot pet you.  One of these people will think that they can do it too.  Go away. Go act like a buffalo.  I’m getting in my car now.  Don’t.  Don’t do that.  Don’t look at me with those big doughy eyes and rub against my car.  What’s this idiot doing?  No, not you, honey.  The idiot that just got out of his car and is approaching that big, giant beast that is 10x bigger than you are.  This cannot possibly end well.

Guy gets back in his car unscathed.   That is good…yes, that is good. I’m not disappointed.  It is good.  It is.  Yes.  Though, I do wish that big beast had stood up and knocked the guy down a notch of two from that cocky arrogance he is walking with.  I didn’t say that. Don’t judge.

**No buffalo, or idiots, were harmed during this moment.  And no…as much as I wanted to, I did not pet a buffalo nor pick him up and put him in my car.**

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

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The Colt…

DSC_0034I would be lying if I said that this guy didn’t make my night.  I first saw him long ago.  2013, I believe at the Hollywood Casino in Columbus, OH.  He was playing with Keith Anderson.

Beyond his striking good looks, he is amazingly talented.  I had also caught his eye and he stopped, looked at me, and smiled so I could take a picture.  There was a woman in front of me that was pretty sure he was staring at her.  He was not.  My friends knew.  The woman, she was less than happy when she figured it out too.  Oh, the look I got from her.  This moment was not in my head, everyone knew.  My friends and I still joke about it.

I had thought about keeping that moment to myself, but it is worth the share. I have several moments worth sharing, but not all the pictures are on digital. Oh, the days of film.  I have a craft tub full of printed pictures and autographs and I’m not talking some shoe box type either.  Trust me it is a lot.  Maybe I will dig them out to tell those stories. Of course, that is if you would like to hear.

Anyway, that night all those years ago…I chose not to try to meet him. I didn’t really realize that was an option until we had gotten in line to meet Keith.  Then I saw people talking to Mr. Colt and well we stayed in line and so I missed my opportunity.  One I waited four years to have again.  Merry Christmas to me.

Dec 22, 2017.  I was having a bad day. Nothing fit the way it was supposed to. I was feeling old and out of shape.  Normally I was excited for concert nights, this night I was just over it and part of me had honestly contemplated not going but I did. I spent the money and I truly, truly hate wasting money.  Then I thought that I was going to have to sit by myself.  My friend and her husband were at table 15 and I was at table 14.  You would think these tables would be next to each other…they were not.  Whoever set up the tables put table 15  on one side of the pit (fenced off area where everyone could go and stand) and 14 on the other side.  By this point, I was completely over it.

As I sat there, my friend came over to talk.  As it got closer to start time for the boys, it became apparent that no one else bought seats at my table (or at least they didn’t show up) and so my friends ended up coming over and sitting with me.  Then Colt Prather came out on stage.  My mood lifted.

I decided to hang around after the concert to try to meet him officially.  We are “Friends” on Facebook for whatever that is worth and I had wished him a happy birthday in which he responded.  He’s really just that kind of guy, I think.  Anyway, when he saw me standing there he gave me a one-arm hug and said that it was good to see me as it had been a while.  I agreed.

We were going to take a picture, but he was in high demand and asked for a few minutes, so that he could just come down to us (he was still standing on the stage).  After a while, he disappeared off stage and I waited. I waited. I waited.  The group to see him had grown larger and I was hanging off outside the group.  I’m just not that girl and I’m barely that kind of fan.

After a bit, I was kind of convinced that he was not going to come back.   It was now late. The concert hadn’t started until 1045 and it was now after midnight if not 1am.  It was okay. I felt like I’d have another opportunity…I hope. Maybe.  Probably.  Maybe not.  Who really knows?  Anyway, so I left and messaged him telling him that he owed me a picture.  He messaged back and said that he had come back looking for me.  He had to put his gear on the bus…I didn’t wait long enough.  Story of my life.  I have really got to work on that patience thing.

Still…it was a moment.  One that makes me smile and shake my head. Those are the kind that I like.  With that said, I hope that you didn’t mind hearing about it.
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Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

A Face….

DSC_0282bwOf dementia.  This face.  My grandmother’s face.  Helen.

She’s in her late 80s and she and my grandfather have been married almost 70 years.  This is a face four years in the making.  Several years ago, she fell and broke her hip.  From working clinicals in a nursing home, I knew that it would be the beginning of the end.  Sometime later, she broke her pelvic bone.  She can no longer walk very well on her own.  She sits in a chair most the time.  My grandfather is her caretaker.  He, too, is in his late 80s.

They have always had the kind of marriage that I would have hoped to have.  It .is rare to be married as long as they have been. At least in today’s day and age.   They bicker. They love. At least once upon a time. These days, he loves and she fights.  I know that somewhere in that mind she is aware of what is going on and she’s angry.  She’s scared and my grandpa catches the brunt of that….because he is the one that is there and he’s the one that stands by her side.

DSC_0215This face doesn’t recognize me most the time.  When she does, she remembers the child me.  The one with pigtails.  She once said I was too young to talk to her when my grandpa tried to give her the phone.  I laughed, because I knew….and it was okay.  She’s still my grandmother, but now she is also someone else.  The hardest thing for me sometimes is watching my dad.

For the longest time, he was in denial.  Everyone, but me, was.  They thought that it was just the meds that she was on.  I tried to tell them the truth, but you cannot tell people what they do not want to hear.  Now it is evident.  Every time he is there. Every time my grandpa calls so that my daddy and convince grandma that he is alive and well.  She confuses him with my uncle, whom is dying of cancer.  That will be another post another time, one that may or may not have pictures.

I became one of those people who let life get in the way. I never meant to be that person, but it happened anyway. In small part because of finances.  They live in Illinois, which is only a short drive from here but $50 a gas tank makes it difficult to travel there often. Working as much makes it difficult.  I know I am not alone on this, and this was not a whine. It is reality. It has made me that little girl who my grandmother remembers, because that is the one she saw the most.  Even a younger 20ish me. but not the adult me. The one that let life get in the way.

DSC_0222I apologize. I think that the feelings that I have tried to muster up, were actually hidden and came to the surface when I look at these pictures.  I took them, yes, but there is a difference between taking them and looking at them. They didn’t turn out the way that I wanted.  The lighting in my grandparents’ house is very yellowish and without flash, I struggled to get the lighting to do just what I wanted. Post editing made them even more frustrating and so I chose to go the black and white method.

The first picture of this post is my favorite. It is also the most heart wrenching for me, because I think that is the most powerful image that I could have taken of her. The colored one has the emotion, but the one posted…it is the emotion.

I have not known what to say. I have felt cold and heartless, because I’ve not had the words.  Maybe it is because the grandma that she has become, I was prepared. I knew.  Maybe it is because life did get in the way and I’m not directly affected, because I do not see her everyday.  Maybe it is just the reality and I didn’t know what to say, because there is nothing to say. What can you say?  My heart hurts, but sadly I am at that age in life where these moments are inevitable.  That is why I will just cherish what I have and just remember that everyday she is here is a blessing, but that it is also hard on her and that it is okay for her to let go.  But until she is ready, I will just smile and hold her hand and remind her every time that she ask that I am indeed her granddaughter.

DSC_0218.jpgI don’t know if you made it to the bottom. If you did, I don’t know what you took away from this post. I am not even sure that it conveyed what I wanted. Power. Emotion. Time. I just hope that whatever your day has in store that it is a beautiful one, today and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography