Tag Archive | deep thoughts

Never Easy

DSC_0900Just after 10pm, the news that was expected for years finally came.  It has been over a decade since the initial diagnosis.  Seems like forever, doesn’t it?  Every year, there was news…rarely ever good news.  The cancer was here and now it is there.  The chemo is not working. The radiation is not working.  Then there was hope and then it was dashed.  A roller coaster for well over 10 years. So this day should not have been any surprise. But then there was a blood clot.   DSC_09152A blood cot. How is that for an ironic twist?  The man lived with cancer for over 10 years only to be taken to his bed by a blood clot.  One that they could not get to because of the cancer.  Yeah…Was it the blood clot?  Was it the cancer? Truth is, it was probably both.  Now it does not matter, my uncle is gone.  DSC_0914Even though I knew this day was coming, it doesn’t make it any easier.  And for the first time, I really don’t know what I should say.  What do you say to your dad whom just lost his brother?  Your grandpa who is watching is wife fade away and now has to bury his son?  Parents aren’t supposed to bury children, right?  So what do you say?  I honestly do not know.

Tears are light, not because I do not care. I do care. I am upset, but I knew the day was coming.  I also know this is the second uncle in just under two months that I have to say goodbye to. Not to mention all the other BS that life keeps throwing at me.  I’m tired.  I’m numb and I’m at a loss for all the things that I’m supposed to say.  For how I am supposed to be reacting.  Who, or what, determines that anyway?DSC_0894The only thing that I know…one of the strongest men I know has finally closed his eyes for the last time.  He no longer has to deal with the pain that came with his daily routine.  He can rest.  So go rest high on that mountain, Uncle Mark.  You have fought long and hard.  You lived long past what they said you would.  You have earned the right to rest, but thank you for fighting as hard as you did and for as long as you did.  You are loved. You are missed, but rest.  It is time.

Montana Rose Photography

Crowny Rock

DSC_0131 (3)I feel like I should post something about France, but the truth is…I wouldn’t know what to say. At least nothing that would do this situation justice.  I’ve never been to France. I have none of my own pictures of France.  All I know is what I learned during French 101, which I honestly probably should not have passed.  With that said, my words would be nothing more than that of empty words from someone who doesn’t truly know the devastation.

My heart aches for them. My heart aches for the world that we are becoming.  A rapid decline into the fiery depths of somewhere we may never be able to return.  Families and innocent people, lost and broken, because of self-righteous cowards that somewhere felt they had earned this right to take away lives.  Of course my heart aches for them, but I only know the empathy of it.  My feelings and words can come nowhere close to what they are going through.

Senseless acts of violence make no sense to me.  They make me angry. They make me scared, but none of this is about me and if I continue to ramble (much like already)…that’s all it would be…about me, because I’m not there and outside of my long-standing dream to visit there…I have no ties to France that would give me the justification to act as if I know what they are feeling.  I can only display my empathy and my heart does truly ache for them.

With that said, I’ve chosen this picture.  It clearly is not from France, but it seemed like the best choice for today other than not posting at all.  This mountain kind of looked like a crown to me, but it also make me think of another version of the mountain people think of when they think of the “other side”.  Of course, that is dependent on your religious affiliation.

As I was typing out that last paragraph, the song that I only known sang Vince Gill, “Go Rest High on that Mountain,” began running through my head.  There will be no immediate peace. There will be no immediate healing.  This is not a situation that allowed for either of those.  It will never make sense and it never be something that is forgotten.  It is senseless and heartless, but my heart does go out to France and all those affected. May your loved ones go rest high on that mountain and may you find the strength that you need to try and continue on.  I can only send my heart and prayers/positive thoughts, but I am doing exactly that.

Montana Rose Photography

What I Want….

DSC_0487 (2)“What I want…what I want is a really good man…Mighty, mighty good man ” or  we could go with…”What I want, What I want, What I really-really want.”   Actually, no, let’s seriously not go with the last one. I’d rather go around singing the first one.  Well..that’s not true…I’m much more of a country music girl than I was when those first came out and I’d rather not sing either one of them, but I digress.  Mainly, because I also forgot where I was going with that.

As far as this picture, like so many before it, just wouldn’t do what I wanted it to do. Yet, that could be because I’m not quite sure what I wanted it to do.

I was just kind of messing around in Photoshop. Just messing with photos trying to give them something that they didn’t already have.  It just wasn’t working out, though.  I’m cool with it.  This one didn’t turn out all that bad.  The heavy cloud, low to the ground, and only shading the area it was covering.  It works.  I think…maybe?  Possibly?

It kind of made me think of life and what I want…mainly what I don’t want and how things never go as we want them too, but I will spare you the details.  They’re really not important.  You see, I’ll be celebrating my fifteenth 24th birthday in a couple of weeks.  Things are different this year.  I’m cool with it. I’m changing..for the better and people are seeing it.  I’m positive about the future. Excited to see what it has in store.  Bring it on.

I hope you enjoy the picture and that you have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Honest Tuesday

SONY DSCI am reposting an old picture. You will have to forgive me. I  had contemplated not doing a blog. I missed yesterday, but I have so many amazing followers that I feel like I owe you an explanation.

My blog has just had this stale vibe about it.  My pictures…they’re all things I’m working on, but as I look at my “numbers”, I am beginning to think that maybe I’m just not a blogger.  The competition is stiff. There are so many amazing blogs out there.  So many photographers that are much more talented than I and constantly have new work to show you.  Just not sure that I have what it takes to compete.  I’ve never been much of a competitor.  Harsh reality of so many things.

My .com site expires in a few months and as of right now, I’m not sure its fate.  There are so many of you that I will continue to follow and for now I will continue to maintain my site and try to get some fresh pictures up and about.  Maybe I have just hit a bump.  Only time will tell.

Each of you rocks and I appreciate all of you that have followed me and continue to like and/or comment on my post.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

By the Light

704645_434835486582127_210644437_oI decided to post one more throwback. It won’t be the last. At this point…a lot of them are throwbacks, but this is a throwback from before 2015. Pre-Montana Rose.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Rest High

DSC_0169 (3)I am not even sure that this picture is the right one to post.  I want a perfect picture, but I realize that none may do the moment justice.

I woke up this morning to bad news. Someone I knew long ago passed away this week.  An old co-worker.  One of the few that I would consider a friend, but I probably do not have the right to call her that. Those times I was a different person. Hateful and bitter.  She was always kind and generous, I did not always return that. We lost touch when I left that job.  I had her email, but it got lost and never used.  We can’t go back and I will not make excuses.

I do not know where my afterlife belief rest. I do know where hers did. Go rest high on that mountain, my friend. May your true friends and loved ones find peace.

Please have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Oh, Controversy

Normally, I try to stray away from controversy.  It is amazing that age can have that effect on a person. I mean when I was younger, I was all about making a stand and charging the masses with my controversial opinion.  These days…not so much.  Never discuss politics in polite company.  I’m not always good about that, but sometimes you just get pushed past the point of return on some subjects.  Either way, I’m better about it than I use to be.

Sorry for the quality. I actually took this one with my phone.

Sorry for the quality. I actually took this one with my phone.

When I first saw this sign, I was intrigued.  I had seen several monuments at Gettysburg by that point and it was the first time I could recall actually seeing this sign.  I would like to say that it took forever for me to figure out why this sign was in front of this particular monument and not others, but that would be lie.  Truth be told, I wasn’t at all surprised. Just surprised that we are still in age where this is an issue.  That shouldn’t surprise me either, though.

DSC_0772Good Ole General Lee upon Traveller standing high above his troops.  The Virginia Monument.  Now, I’m not about to take sides. I’m not about to get upon my soapbox (and it is overflowing).  I’m not going to give a history lesson. I’m not going to preach. I’m not going to open this up for political debate.

Truth be told, I’ve been procrastinating on posting these pictures.  To post pictures of a controversial man. To post pictures of Confederate monuments.  The audacity.  I can hear the critics now.

I find this to be a shame.  I’m a Civil War girl.  I’m a battlefield girl and I have so many pictures.  I should be able to share those without there being some hidden agenda.  Without there being some indication as to what side of the fence I stand on.  Truth be told, if you haven’t figured it out yet….I never stand on one side over the other.

The fence.  Sides of the fence.  Pick a side.  Please.  I’m usually the girl who finds the post in the middle.  I then stand upon that post perched like a bird shaking her head at the ridiculousness that arises from taking one side over the other.  There are always two sides to each story.  There is always controversy revolving around those stories.  For this reason, I like to know both sides before I step down from upon my perch to pick a side and join the masses.  That is if I choose to join the masses, but considering whom usually ends up talking for the masses…I tend to just stay upon my perch.

Then yesterday, I felt the southern girl pride come out or just the girl who has had enough of this ridiculous controversy and BS. It got a little bit harder to keep my mouth shut.

The Dukes of Hazzard being removed from TV Land  and other stations because of the General Lee… A CAR.  Yes, a car that dons the bars and stripes on the roof top, but a car in an iconic television show none-the-less.   One that I grew up watching. One that I still watch when I can.

A show that is hardly racist and probably one of the few shows from that era that didn’t have those hidden quips of racial stereotyping.  A TV Show, A Car. One that you watch and can realize in a minute that the General Lee had nothing to do with slavery, racism, or much else pertaining to the ignorance that arose from the Civil War . It’s a car, people.

The Duke Boys’ reason for the General Lee is a simple and traditional one, but I digress.  Now, I’m going to step down off that soapbox, because if I don’t we’ll be here forever.  I will say, though, enough is enough already. We are starting to cross a line.

DSC_0758I look at the photo above and I do fight the urge to put in my two cents.  A friend and I had a long conversation about it yesterday and I get it. I do.  This is a monument, though.  It represents what you want it to represent.  There are so many sides to every story.  What once was and what now is….are not necessarily on the same page.  Things now are now and not what it once was nor what it was necessarily meant to be.  Monuments, flags…the flag (you know which one)….they did not begin with what they became.  That was all the result of people doing all the wrong the things and going about making their stands all kinds of the wrong way.

Now in attempts to repair the past, we’re not doing such a good job at repairing the now.  Just sayin’.

I have other pictures from Gettysburg and I will be posting them.  They will not be General Lee, but when I go to battlefields, I respect both sides of the line.  Have a beautiful day.

DSC_0778Montana Rose Photography

End of the Boardwalk

DSC_0105 (4)I am seriously a very, very restless soul.  It seems like I’m constantly standing on a boardwalk and wondering what is at the end of it.  I’m always wanting to just pack the car, load up the dog, and hit the road.  Go until I cannot go anymore. Go until I find the one place that finally feels like I belong. Always searching.

I just never really seem to find the end of the boardwalk.  There is always something. Always a reason why I have to stop. Always a reason why I cannot keep going.  A reason why I have to wait.  If I could make a living off of adventuring, I’d be gone.  I think a lot of people would be.

It is funny how life turns out.  How there always seems to be that rut. That pit stop that seems to last forever. I’m no fool. I  know these things happen for a reason. Everything always happens for a reason. That is if you believe in that kind of thing.  I do. More than I like to admit most of the time, but  I do.

This was a pit stop.  Living in this city. It wasn’t supposed to last as long as it has, but I am glad it has.  I’m definitely a stronger and better person than I was seven years ago.  I’ve gotten to explore and experience things I would not have had the chance otherwise.  Meet people who I probably never would have met (I mean besides the “friends” and “associates” I’ve met here).   I’ve learned what I’m no longer willing to tolerate. Who I really am or at least who I think I am.  Things that I would have figured out eventually, but things that I figured out a lot quicker from being at this pit stop.

Despite the fact that I get the point, I’m constantly staring at the end of the boardwalk and wondering where it goes. Anxiously waiting for my chance to finally meet the end.  I know I’m not alone, others may just not be as long.

Montana Rose Photography

Too Much Beauty Left

DSC_0044-3Oh, the things people post on Facebook.  I really need to break away from that site, but I get so bored.  Still, the things that people post.  Lately, post after post after post in regards to a certain flag that shall remain nameless.  People threatening to delete other people if they support it and vice versa.   I mean honestly.  Is this really what we’ve come to?

I’m all about standing for what you believe in.  We are no one if we do not have something that we stand for and are willing to do so.  Some of views might be ignorant, some people might need a history lesson, some might need an educational lesson in modern times, but that is neither here nor there nor mine to really state.  It is not my place to judge.

Debates include bits and pieces of history lessons, which is fine.  Still, are history lessons really without bias?  There will never be a fairness or an end to this debate.  It is something that will haunt us for eternity, because we are so eager to stand for something and so eager to feel like we need to choose a side.  The problem with choosing sides, people only hear what they want to hear. We only take away from things, what we want to take away from them. We cannot always communicate our thoughts in a way that is not defensive.  More importantly…there are two sides to everything and the only side that matters depends on what side of the fence you stand on.  Very few of us teeter from the fence itself to see what both sides have to offer.  Even the most educated and logical arguments are dismissed and demeaned and controversial, because it may go against the grain.

My opinion is, I know what I stand for. I know what I believe in. The only person that I have to prove this to is myself.  When we choose to jump on bandwagons, we end up defending ourselves and our beliefs.  Who has time for that?  Too many people go about it the wrong way and all that is accomplished is greater lines are drawn.  There is no justice.  There is no solutions.  There is just chaos and division.

Is there an easy resolution for all of this? No.  Still for me….there is way too much beautiful left in this world to continue to indulge and concern myself with malarkey.  I don’t have time for that.

Have a beautiful day.

Montana Rose Photography


I cannot actually take credit for this picture.  My niece was playing around with my camera and she snapped this one so credit goes to her.

I cannot actually take credit for this picture. My niece was playing around with my camera and she snapped this one so credit goes to her.

Thirty-eight years ago, this man chose to marry a woman pregnant with another man’s baby.  That other man was no father nor did he ever choose to be.  This man stepped up and took on the responsibility without a second thought.  The powers that be really only know why.

It was never an easy road; especially, when the couple had children of their own, but still there he stood.  I may have no longer been daddy’s little girl. Still, he was my daddy.  We butted heads often, but I guess that is what parents and kids do.  I’ve often wondered what would happen if that woman ever followed through on her threats. Would I still have a dad?  I would like to think that I would.  I mean despite all, he still only does what a father would do.

So many times I’ve been told that I’m not allowed to call him father.  Not by him, but by outsiders that think they know everything.  This man may not be by biological counter part…my biological counterpart decided long ago he had no room for me, but this man is my true father. Anyone can be dad, but it takes a true man to be a father.  Someone who stands by your side, always comes to your aid, drives you up the wall, tries to save you when he can, and is always there even when he doesn’t have to be.

With that said, happy father’s day to all the fathers out there.  Especially, my daddy, the only father I have ever had.

Montana Rose Photography