The Sky is Blue

DSC_5535Honestly, right now that is the only thing that I’m sure of.

Weeks ago, I was planning my vacation.  Or at least planning on how I’d take a vacation and move at the same time.  Weeks ago, I had a plan.  I should have known that would bite me because me planning things…it always comes with landmines waiting to explode.

Next week, after weeks of waiting, I will find out if I’m saved from the first round of lay-offs.  I celebrated 11 years this past Monday and my consolation prize may be a severance package.  I’ve tried to remain positive up to this point.  We don’t know what’s going to happen.  They’ve been saying this for years.  Telling myself all the things we tell ourselves to see the silver lining, but the truth is…they’ve taken our work and there is not enough to sustain us and the end run is to eliminate us all together.  That has always been the plan.

I can’t even complain about it being because my work was outsourced, because it’s not really outsourcing if the company getting your work is a subsidiary company of the one you work for.  Yeah…how great is that? I mean, it’s a great opportunity.  Like…good for them.  Not so much for those of us that have been waiting for weeks to find out if we are going to actually lose our jobs.

I never really thought this day would come, but here I am.  Coming weeks after I chose to turn down my grad seat because I couldn’t be sure that financially I could make the move work.  Now, I scramble to find another program willing to take a chance on me.  Somewhere I know that it was the right decision, but with all that is going on….it is just one more thing.

2020 hasn’t really sucked for me so far, but February alone can buck off.  I’ve battled injury after injury.  Yeah…bring on March, because I refuse to let February define the rest of the year.  Of course that may change depending on what happens next week, but I’m also choosing to believe that everything really does happen for a reason.  That reason may be that people are just greedy jerks, but there has to be a reason.  A purpose.  If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.

It may not sound like it, but I’m not really hateful or angry…I’m just feeling stressed, anxious…but this could be a good thing and I am choosing to believe that.  With that said, it also doesn’t change the fact that right now all I’m sure of is that the sky is blue and that mountains are beautiful.

Thank you for sticking around.  I’m not sure what is next, but for now I plan on continuing my blog as soon as I sort myself out.

Live, laugh, love, and let it ride.
~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

Still Leaning

DSC_0363Still leaning….seems fitting as that is what I feel like I’m doing at this present moment.  This new year hasn’t gotten off to a bad start, but it is not really a good start.  It’s kind of leaning somewhere in between.  Some would say that it is up to me as far as which direction it goes.  We shall see.

As I write this, I’m actually sitting in Discount Tire for literally the second time in just over three months.  The last time was while I was in Tennessee.  I had picked up a pretty hefty little screw that was relentless with the need to release the air from tire.  Today, ironically, same tire but smaller screw….go figure.  I cannot help but ponder the implications of that.  I do know that there is no big strong man to put my tire back on for me this time.  That is fine, I’ll make the guys here do it.  I’m much too pretty to be changing my own tire all the time.  I really shouldn’t have to be changing my tire all the time, but I digress.

That was a bit dramatic.

I haven’t really had to change them that much.  It’s only been like three times since I got these tires November 2018 and come to think of it, it is always the same tire but not the same tire.  There is something about my driver side back tire space that just makes the tires not enjoy their life and feel the need to pick up hitchhiking screws.  All about the adventure, I suppose.

This is the third time which ever tire is in that position has to have a patch (or even possibly replaced this time) and it is always a screw.  How does that work?  If I didn’t know any better, I would think that someone is purposely putting a screw by my tire to run over.  I know that is highly unlikely, but it is quite peculiar-don’t you think?

Anyway, again, I digress.

Now, that I’ve rambled my little annoyance about sitting in Discount Tire (which I’m really considering placing stock in), I’ll move on.

I have been deep in thought about my blog.   The last few post didn’t really take the tone that I really meant to put out there.  That could be said for most of my post on here.  I know that someone will say that it is my blog and I can put what I want out there, but truth is…I don’t really like that girl.  She was angry, sad…for due reasons, but just the same.  It is not who I want to be and I’m really trying to work on the negativity.  I’ve probably said that a 100 times over on here, but that is my goal for this year…as well as following through.

Not a new year’s resolution, mind you.  No, I am not a new year’s resolutioner, but I am a goal setter.  I guess it could be said to be the same thing, but I’m not sure that it is.  Anyway,  my entire life I’ve been bad about following through on things.  When things do not go as I had planned, or they are way harder than they are supposed to be, or my life gets the best of me…I tend to give up.  I’m working on not doing that anymore.  I do not know if that means, I will be posting more but it mean something.

I got wrapped up in my thoughts there for a second and now have forgotten where else I was going to go with that.  Shocker.  I baked cookies yesterday and managed to mess them up twice, even though I was reading the directions.  The second batch was edible, the first batch was not.  Consequences of getting lost in my thoughts and now I’m rambling.

I do not know how many of you remember this tree.   I posted it about four years ago.  Not this picture, no-but this exact same tree.  The original was taken in July of 2015 (see below).  70455693_2555805407811206_8825561407006179328_o(1)I had a better camera and a better lens this time, but there is something to be said for the old one as well.

I don’t know that I expected the tree to still be standing.  I am not sure what I thought to be sure.  I guess I figure a leaning tree is eventually a falling tree.  It clearly has not fallen.  There is something to be said for that, I suppose.  I’m always looking symbolism and I do have a hankering for philosophy, so what better place to look then trees.  I know that was bad, but it will get worse-just give me a minute.

If a leaning tree has roots strong enough to keep standing, I guess that I can find mine too (told you I could do worse).  Or something even cheesier than that.  It’s okay to smile, or even roll your eyes.  I just did.

I really do not know what 2020 has in store for anything in my life.  I do know that I will keep trucking on, even if at a lean.  I’ve still got a ton of photos from last year to post, which is good because I do not know if I will get any major trips in this year.  I will keep photos coming, though.  Thank you for sticking around.

Live, Laugh, Love, and Let it ride.

The Old, The New….

DSC_0025 (2)As we head in the new year, many of us are thinking about how to actually make the new year better.  How to make ourselves better.  I’ve been bitter about it and not so positive on the outlook.  However, as I listen to my upstairs neighbors stomp around…I can’t help but thinking about something I saw in a show.   “The old boss is always a **** until you meet a new one.”  Seems irrelevant, huh?  I don’t think that it actually is.

My last upstairs neighbor, I considered him an inconsiderate idiot.  His t.v. was always blaring until all hours of the day.  I get up at 330a to go to the gym, I could still hear his t.v. blaring through the floor.  However, for the most part, that was the biggest issue and the most I ever heard from him.    Right now, I would do anything to go back to hearing that t.v. blaring through the floor.  I don’t know what the new family does upstairs, but they are constantly banging around, walking heavy footed, toddler screaming, dog barking, stomping, and whatever other kind of noise they can possibly make.    The old boss is always a **** until you meet a new one.  Meaning:  things are always bad until something else comes around and makes you realize that it actually can get worse.    Thank you, Letterkenny.

I think that this is true for years as well.  2019, well it was not good in more than one way.  However, parts of 2019 were way better than 2018 and I’m guessing that 2020 will challenge me if I say that it can’t possibly get worse.  I have got to learn to stop challenging the powers that be.

I do not know what 2020 has in store….well, for any of us.  Politically, it really can get worse.  That is a scary, scary thought….that there could possibly get worse than what it is.  It can and I suspect that it will.    Climate.  Environment. Inner relationships.  Outer personal relationships.  Some things we have control over and somethings we do not.  The obvious, and as I was reminded, we can only work on the ones that we can control.

This really should go without saying.  It should also go without saying that sometimes, well, this is easier said than done.  Still, I always try and will continue to do so.  I’ve started the path…let’s see how far it can go.  Bring it on, 2020.  Bring it on.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.
Live, Laugh, Love, and Let it ride.
~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

The Incredible Acers

DSC_6081A.C.  as he was called when he showed up at the stable I worked at.  I started calling him Ace, it became his name but that will never be information confirmed.  It really shouldn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter.  Really just calling him Ace was inevitable, I think.  The dismay you may be sensing comes from another situation that had been a long time coming.  Dominoes.

Anyway, there really are not bitter feelings here.  Acers went to a wonderful home July 2018.  Where he is better fitted and gets the love and work that he deserves.  He’s a therapy horse and lives the job well.  DSC_6151This year, I had the honor of going out and photographing Acers and the other therapy horses he lives with.  It is no secret by now that this year has not been my favorite, and that day…I was not having a less than stellar week and was feeling more down that day than I had been.

This guy as I was finishing up, he became very loving was all about letting me love on him.  Pretty much insisted on it.  DSC_6206It is often said that animals can sense our emotions.  I have always felt this to be true.  There is also statistic data proving the positive effect animal/equine therapy can have on a person.  Where he is now, he works with Vets and those suffering from PTSD.  I would say he is a good at his job.

And…….him and the others, they made beautiful subjects and I think turned out some amazing pictures.  I hope that you like these of Acers.  They are just a few of my favorites.
DSC_6215Live, laugh, love, and let it ride.
~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

‘Tis the Season

DSC_2232.jpg‘Tis the season.  Everyone settling in for the yearly Christmas Eve routine, or starting a new one.  Posting their happy holidays and Merry Christmases.  Posting pictures of their family in their Christmas-sy sweaters and jammies.  Kids standing by the Christmas trees.  It’s all what tonight is supposed to be about for those that celebrate the holidays.  I don’t know enough about Hanukkah, or the others but I know Hanukkah started a few days ago so they, too, have some kind tradition for tonight.  Me…I’m just not in the Christmas spirit.  I wanted to be.  I even decorated, but now that it is here…I’m feeling a bit more grinchy than the years past.

Quite honestly, I’m coming into the end of the year feeling like 2019 can suck a hole.  I have been glad for the years to end lately with hopes of a new and better year but this year is different.  I am not even sure that I know what it is, but I know that I am not a lone.  It seems like 2019 has left a lot of people with a very bitter and nasty taste in their mouth.

Maybe it has been the political chaos that has embraced our society since the man in office was elected to be there.  I won’t jump on the bandwagon and call him names, but I will say that this is not where we should be.  Both parties are at fault.  Supporters from all circles are at fault.  We are at fault.   We need to do better at the next election, but we also can only go with what we are given.  History shows…it really can get worse.  Educate, research, and be informed.  That should go without saying, but there are a lot of people peering over the edge of the box instead of jumping out of it.  But that is where I will end it.  I don’t do politics, but this has been very taxing.

Maybe it is the loss.  Maybe it is the growing up and realizing a little too much how we outgrow people, or that they outgrow us.  Maybe it is that moment when we realize that adulthood kind is kind of like a pile of goose poop and that there is more goose poop then clean areas to walk in.  It could be the bodies that want to act older than the spirit that inhabits them.  Unanswered prayers.  Negative news.  Who knows.  Each of us has our own reason and each of us had our own 2019.  We are taking out of it whatever it gave us.  For some, I know that it really was a good year.

I do know that I do wish everyone a happy whatever you may celebrate.  May it be merry and in the sake of breaking out in song….may it be bright.  Even if it is just another night.  May you find a place your heart is at peace, your soul is content, and a way to smile each day.

I think that 2020 has got to be better for those of us that are ready to put 2019 in the rear view and everyday should be a good day.  May it all come together and may you have the greatest time of your life.

Live, Laugh, Love, and Let it Ride.
~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

The Lizard

DSC_6252In my last post, I posted how I stopped at a cemetery just off a Utah highway.  Well, never in my life have seen so many lizards in one place.    The place was crawling with them.  I won’t say literally, but I will say that I had to be careful about where I stepped.

As I was thinking about this post, I was intrigued and wondered what the lizard symbolizes.  The lizard symbolizes a true survivor and how you should be open to surrendering what doesn’t work for you so to open yourself up to regenerated energies of life.  At least according to one of the many animal totem websites.  DSC_6277
I am still learning about the whole spirit animal thing.  Like that they can change dependent on where you are in your life and what you need to learn, see at the time.  If I was to believe in signs, which most the time I do, I would say that the powers that be were trying to throw this meaning up in my face.  DSC_6303I won’t be all whatever about it.  It just struck me as interesting as we head into a new year. A new decade.  DSC_6330I believe these little guys are Sagebrush lizards.  Apparently, Utah is littered with them.  I’m torn on how I feel about them.  I will hold a snake, I will hold a baby alligator, but I’m torn on how I feel about these little guys scattered about and running rapid.  Hey, a girl has to have her limitations.

I’m just kidding.  I really do not mind lizards.  I don’t want to feed them, because then I have to touch things like crickets…and that is just gross.  🙂   DSC_6437
Live, laugh, love, and let it ride.

~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

Wondering Thoughts

DSC_6478bwToday as I was sitting at my desk, I thought of something that I honestly hadn’t thought about since it happened.  An angry old man sitting alone in a nursing home.

I’ve been lost in my head a lot thinking about a broken heart.  What it did wrong? What is wrong with it?  Why it is always coming up short?  What it has done to justify all the failures?  Most will say that it is not the heart’s fault.  That it is being too hard on itself.  It’s the other person’s loss.  It never feels that way, though.  Anyway, today as I was thinking about broken hearts, I remembered a gentleman that I met in one of my clinicals back in the day.

I don’t remember much about him, but I do remember that he was angry.  Very angry.  He was a much older gentleman.  Not necessarily my grandparents’ age, but he was up there.  He had been into art, history, or books….maybe all the above.  I don’t quite remember, but I remember he had a very scholarly, artsy way about him.  The kind of stereotype you would see in the movies, I guess.  A bit on the pretentious side, but thinking back now it would seem that maybe he had earned the right.  Anyway, along his life he had one love and it didn’t end well.  He was angry.

I don’t remember the exact details on the subject.  They had parted ways, though. I think it was the other that had decided to go.  Their paths had gone in different directions and this gentleman I spoke to now, he was paying the price.  I am not sure how long they had been parted, but it was evident in the way he spoke that he had allowed his heart to become cold,hard…..angry and I mean, A.N.G.R.Y.

I am sure that his current situation did not help.  Sitting alone in a nursing home, because he was unable to completely care for himself.  I am thinking a lot of it was the being alone.  He had no pictures of family.  If I remember, he had no family.

I am not sure what made me think of him.  Like I said, I haven’t given him much thought since that day at my clinical.  I don’t even remember how long he was there.  I do not even remember seeing him again. I feel like it was only the once.  However, I guess if I was to put on my psychiatrist hat, I could definitely figure out what made me think of him.  I think that we all could, without pulling out the psychological analysis.  Anyway.

I think that the take away here is to accept the broken heart but not allow oneself to become jaded.  Angry.  Not everyone does this, but I feel like I’ve talked to a lot of jaded people lately.  People that are pessimistic about love.  I have a friend that is happily married but so negative about love.  Another that just doesn’t believe that love exist.  A third that is going through a divorce and doesn’t want anymore serious relationships because this will be his second divorce.  However, it is just not about love relationships-is it?

The man in my story, he had no one.  He was alone.  Most likely because he was angry and honestly a bit on the hateful side.  A way that I know many of us have found ourselves in the wake of grief, sadness, devastation, or whatever else is thrown on our way on the negative side. I know that I have, but what I am realizing as I type this…we can’t alienate people because of our pain.  When we are suffering through whatever, some of us do tend to alienate because we already feel alone.  Alone because we are unsure, or scared, or know that no one will truly understand what we are going through.  However, if we are not careful….we really could end up being actually alone.

I don’t honestly know if there is an easy solution to this.  There most likely isn’t, but I know that no one deserves to be sitting alone in a nursing home….bitter and angry because of a life that didn’t go their way.  Do we really choose our paths?  I don’t know where I stand on that, but I am starting to see that we do have a choice on how many people actually stick around.  Some will leave on their own, but I’d rather them do that than it being because I wasn’t willing to let them in when I needed them most.

This is just some random thoughts.  Do not take anything away from it other than a message of thought.  I chose an old picture to post, because of the content.  I’ll post a fresh pic the next time.  Until then-live, laugh, love, and let it ride.

~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~