I thought what I needed was time. Time to process my thoughts. Time to work through a new array of emotions and visions that have entered my life. Time to process what is happening and to move above it, but time is not a friend. There is never enough of it and it gets lost when you are not paying attention.
I was told not too long ago that I was at a point in my life where if I had something to say that I needed to say it. If only it was that easy, because we are no longer in a time where people are receptive to hearing things that do not fit their narrative. People on my friend’s list will unfriend people left and right for disagreeing or questioning something that they want to understand. You have to come off the fence for it and choose a side. It seems simple enough, but what if it really isn’t?
There are things that I’ve made it a point to try and avoid talking about. Once in a while they slip out, but I’ve gotten better about it. There is a reason for it. Sometimes, I have discussed certain things in attempts to tell my story; however, these days that story seems moot and irrelevant. My story doesn’t fit the narrative and so no one really wants to hear it. I’ve come to terms with that, because I’ve questioned why I need people to hear my story. Why is it so important for me to say my truths?
I could say that it was because I needed people to see me as different. I could say that it was because I wanted to be different. Or it was simply because I just do not know. It can never be as simple as, “It just is.” We always need there to be a reason, an explanation, a justification. We foundation to every thought and feeling that we have, but sometimes it really just “is”.
This picture just “is”. It is nothing special. It is just something that I liked the look of when I snapped it. I’m sure there was something that I wanted to catch at the time, but that was over a year ago and now it just is. I’m not even sure what that means, but I like it.
I wish that I was there right now. Gallivanting all over the west and forgetting all the woes that 2020 is divvying out to us. Forget all the racist, political, and covid stress. A place where I can just disappear into nature. It is what I should be doing, but alas….2020.
I hope that time heals whatever it is that is truly going on. I’m scared to think of what else time will bring us at this point. With that said, it is our friend, our enemy, our nemesis and our hope. Let’s just hope that it decides to be good to us while we have it left.
Live, laugh, love, and let it ride.
~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~