That is basically what I have done. Abandoned pretty much everything. It is not really a choice that I have made, that I wanted to make. The realities of 2020 have just taken their tolls on a spirit that was already wavering on the edge of a steep cliff.
This past Friday, I slept. I couldn’t really keep my eyes open and I just slept, all day except for 1-2 hours here and there. Long enough to walk the Zone and realize that I really just wanted to go back to bed. This is not something that I do ….ever. It happens when I’m sick, but even that is rare to never.
I know now that this was something that my body needed. That it was what my minded needed. Maybe it was the world needs. To just sleep for a day and reset.
I have many opinions on the going-ons in the U.S. right now. The virus. The protest. People’s opinions on the going-ons, but alas I just sit back and take it in. People are hateful. People are self-ish. People are scared. People are angry. People do not want to hear anything that does not agree with their narrative of the situation. For the most part, I get it. For the other part, that is the problem….we don’t listen. More importantly, we do not hear when others talk.
There is no solution for the situations on hand. We can say that there are, but the truth is….we are too divided as a society for any of them to ever work. Most of society is too selfish for any of them to work.
I didn’t come here today to rant. As much as I want to, I want more to not feel this turmoil and this anxiety. I do not want to feel scared or angry. That is what I want to accomplish with whatever can be salvaged from this year. It feels naive and very much like a pipe dream. Maybe it is that it means eliminating people from my life that I’ve held on to for whatever reason. I do not know, but it feels like a must.
For me, this was supposed to be a good year. I had travel plans, which are scrapped but there are other things. I got into the grad school program from my choice. I start in fall. I start transitioning into a new job today. It was not a job that I chose, it chose me…as in, my manager had to give all the names of her remaining employees and their skills, there was a need in this unit and so here I am transitioning. I’m thankful, because it means that I will not get laid off. I also still have hope that “the one” will show his head. Seems so foolish.
In this world, the way that it is today. It seems foolish to have such high hopes and hold on to the positive aspects, but we have to. I think. No, we do. What other choice do we have? To retreat into our beds and sleep our lives away? Not that 2020 is really giving us a lot of options right now, but just the same. I’m convinced there has to be some balance and that something has to get better.
I don’t really know what that has to do with my blog, or my photography. Probably nothing. Writing gives me solace, though. Even if it is pointless rambling that no one cares about.
I took this picture last year on the way from South Dakota to Wyoming. I’m not a fan of new Fords, but I do love old Fords. More importantly, I love old abandoned cars and trucks; especially, those tucked away beneath the highlights of mountains and hills that people want to call mountains. It was early morning, I could look up the camera settings but it doesn’t really matter.
I hope that you didn’t mind the ramble and I hope that you like the picture. Most of all, I hope that you are maintaining a balance throughout all of this that is keeping you on the lighter side of things.
~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~