Archive | June 2020

No Fear

DSC_6472This is the kind of shot that you get when the squirrels no longer fear you.  Or at least care more about the food on your patio than the fact that you are on your patio.  It could also have been that their were four of them and so he had no fear because he had his buddies with him.

It is not often that they stick around once I open the door, but here we are.  If only the geese were as fearful as the squirrels.  The geese don’t care, they are ready to fight me in a heartbeat.

Geese, so many of them.  I don’t mind.  They’re ungrateful little monkeys, though. Hissing as I fill the bird feeder.  Some days they are lucky I don’t harm animals….or at the very least that the Zone no longer cares about them.

I hope that you enjoy the picture.

Live, laugh, love, and let it ride.
~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

Lost…

DSC_0319This will not go the way that you think that it will.  This is a testing time that has taken a toll on many souls,  but that is not the lost that I will delve into.

I really just kind of wish that I was lost right now.  Somewhere in between the canyons and the mountains. Getting that good, apple red canyon sunburn.  That fresh mountain air.  Stalking cows and chasing horses.  Having stare downs with wild burros.  That is where I should be.

It is vacation week.  I was foolish enough to think that I would be able to travel, so I took the week off.  I could travel.  Most would frown upon it, some would not.  Even ones, that I know, that were demanding people to stay home have taken out of state trips.  Trips to Disney and the Outer banks.  Still, I cannot bring myself to do it.  Pack up and leave this state for a few days.  The places I want to go, well…they are far.  So far and hot (too hot for the Zone dog), gas expensive, and more than anything…right now, they will be crowded.  So very, very crowded.

I don’t know what side I stand on where I stand on the virus anymore. I’ve grown tired of that dialogue.  The same with other outside factors that I’m trying to ignore.  I just want some fresh air, a fresh perspective, and for us to get back to living life right.

For now, I’ve  been stalking birds, geese, and squirrels.  I put up a bird feeder on my patio, the squirrels and geese get most of the food.  It’s funny watching them, but they no longer fear me.  Both the squirrels and the geese have decided that it is their patio and I have no place on it.  Most days we compromise, as long as it is because I’m filling the feeder.  I’ll share those photos at another time.

I have now managed to lose my train of though…shocker.

This photo, it was taken on the Utah side of the Utah/Colorado border.  Deep in the heart of the canyon where you could still see the mountains just beyond the miles of canyon dirt.   It was a  beautiful scene.  I managed to avoid the crowds, somehow.   I don’t recall the time of day, but time doesn’t really matter.   I like the picture and I hope that you do too.

Live, laugh, love, and let it ride.
~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

Time

DSC_0625I thought what I needed was time.  Time to process my thoughts.  Time to work through a new array of emotions and visions that have entered my life.  Time to process what is happening and to move above it, but time is not a friend.  There is never enough of it and it gets lost when you are not paying attention.

I was told not too long ago that I was at a point in my life where if I had something to say that I needed to say it.  If only it was that easy, because we are no longer in a time where people are receptive to hearing things that do not fit their narrative.  People on my friend’s list will unfriend people left and right for disagreeing or questioning something that they want to understand.  You have to come off the fence for it and choose a side.  It seems simple enough, but what if it really isn’t?

There are things that I’ve made it a point to try and avoid talking about.  Once in a while they slip out, but I’ve gotten better about it.  There is a reason for it.  Sometimes, I have discussed certain things in attempts to tell my story; however, these days that story seems moot and irrelevant.  My story doesn’t fit the narrative and so no one really wants to hear it.  I’ve come to terms with that, because I’ve questioned why I need people to hear my story.  Why is it so important for me to say my truths?

I could say that it was because I needed people to see me as different.  I could say that it was because I wanted to be different.  Or it was simply because I just do not know.  It can never be as simple as, “It just is.”  We always need there to be a reason, an explanation, a justification.  We foundation to every thought and feeling that we have, but sometimes it really just “is”.

This picture just “is”.  It is nothing special.  It is just something that I liked the look of when I snapped it.  I’m sure there was something that I wanted to catch at the time, but that was over a year ago and now it just is.  I’m not even sure what that means, but I like it.

I wish that I was there right now.  Gallivanting all over the west and forgetting all the woes that 2020 is divvying out to us.  Forget all the racist, political, and covid stress.   A place where I can just disappear into nature.  It is what I should be doing, but alas….2020.

I hope that time heals whatever it is that is truly going on.  I’m scared to think of what else time will bring us at this point.  With that said, it is our friend, our enemy, our nemesis and our hope.  Let’s just hope that it decides to be good to us while we have it left.

Live, laugh, love, and let it ride.
~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~

Abandoned….

DSC_2174That is basically what I have done.  Abandoned pretty much everything.  It is not really a choice that I have made, that I wanted to make. The realities of 2020 have just taken their tolls on a spirit that was already wavering on the edge of a steep cliff.

This past Friday, I slept.  I couldn’t really keep my eyes open and I just slept, all day except for 1-2 hours here and there.  Long enough to walk the Zone and realize that I really just wanted to go back to bed.  This is not something that I do ….ever.  It happens when I’m sick, but even that is rare to never.

I know now that this was something that my body needed.  That it was what my minded needed.  Maybe it was the world needs.  To just sleep for a day and reset.

I have many opinions on the going-ons in the U.S. right now.  The virus. The protest.  People’s opinions on the going-ons, but alas I just sit back and take it in.  People are hateful.  People are self-ish.  People are scared.  People are angry.  People do not want to hear anything that does not agree with their narrative of the situation.  For the most part, I get it.  For the other part, that is the problem….we don’t listen.  More importantly, we do not hear when others talk.

There is no solution for the situations on hand.  We can say that there are, but the truth is….we are too divided as a society for any of them to ever work.  Most of society is too selfish for any of them to work.

I didn’t come here today to rant.  As much as I want to, I want more to not feel this turmoil and this anxiety.  I do not want to feel scared or angry.  That is what I want to accomplish with whatever can be salvaged from this year.  It feels naive and very much like a pipe dream. Maybe it is that it means eliminating people from my life that I’ve held on to for whatever reason.  I do not know, but it feels like a must.

For me, this was supposed to be a good year.  I had travel plans, which are scrapped but there are other things.  I got into the grad school program from my choice.  I start in fall.  I start transitioning into a new job today.  It was not a job that I chose, it chose me…as in, my manager had to give all the names of her remaining employees and their skills, there was a need in this unit and so here I am transitioning.  I’m thankful, because it means that I will not get laid off.  I also still have hope that “the one” will show his head.  Seems so foolish.

In this world, the way that it is today. It seems foolish to have such high hopes and hold on to the positive aspects, but we have to. I think.  No, we do.  What other choice do we have?  To retreat into our beds and sleep our lives away?  Not that 2020 is really giving us a lot of options right now, but just the same.  I’m convinced there has to be some balance and that something has to get better.

I don’t really know what that has to do with my blog, or my photography.  Probably nothing.  Writing gives me solace, though.  Even if it is pointless rambling that no one cares about.

I took this picture last year on the way from South Dakota to Wyoming.  I’m not a fan of new Fords, but I do love old Fords.  More importantly, I love old abandoned cars and trucks; especially, those tucked away beneath the highlights of mountains and hills that people want to call mountains.  It was early morning, I could look up the camera settings but it doesn’t really matter.

I hope that you didn’t mind the ramble and I hope that you like the picture.  Most of all, I hope that you are maintaining a balance throughout all of this that is keeping you on the lighter side of things.

~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~