I wonder what it would be like for my words to mean something. To truly be heard. To be felt. To merely come out the way that I mean for them to. Somewhere along the way I have lost my voice. That is assuming that I had one to begin with.
I’ve sat down to write a post many of times. Many of times I’ve failed to follow through, or I’ve posted it and deleted it before it was up long enough to matter. I cannot honestly say why. There could be any number of reasons, but right now everything is starting to blur together. I’m sure that I’m not alone there, lockdowns are not kind to idle minds.
I have had a little bit too much time to reflect on my life. I have noticed that I’m not on the extreme end of thinkers on this COVID-19 thing, but I’m also not one of those that thinks it’s just the flu. I fall somewhere in the middle. Not terrified but still taking it seriously. It’s made me think about things in my life….things like I think that maybe my life has always been just magazine covers and that I’ve never actually opened the issue to read it.
I know that probably doesn’t make sense, but I’m not really sure how else to explain it. I feel like when it comes to figuring out me, and things that I want, that I just kind of scratch the surface but never really make any progress. I know, “Would you like a little cheese with that whine?” It’s not my intent and I know that I’m not alone.
All of the thoughts and all of the real world affairs, my head has been a bit crowded. It’s been a trial to get things done. A lot of my people have been talking about their cleaning frenzies, I’ve not had that problem…unfortunately. However, in my defense….the only thing that has really changed for me is that I can’t go anywhere if I want to because there is no where to go. Traveling is frowned upon and This town, IN doesn’t have anything to offer in the way of entertainment when everything is closed. I’m still working full time, for now, and I’m still working the farm part time. My weekends are just a little bit more open. Still enough to drive me up the wall. Having to be conscientious about when I go to the store, what I touch, who is in my bubble (Not that I’ve ever loved anyone of non-choice in my bubble, but just the same).
I’ve lost my train of thought….that is what I get for multitasking and not having a firm grasp on what I wanted to write.
This is picture is one of Mshindi’s troop. I cannot remember which one. I think Asha? Maybe. I could look it up, but I’m currently unaware of the whereabouts of my phone. I posted a colored version of this picture on Facebook, but I loving the black and white. I have so many pictures to post; hopefully, I can get myself back in it. For now, I hope you like this one, or the colored one.
Have a great night!
~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~