Honestly, right now that is the only thing that I’m sure of.
Weeks ago, I was planning my vacation. Or at least planning on how I’d take a vacation and move at the same time. Weeks ago, I had a plan. I should have known that would bite me because me planning things…it always comes with landmines waiting to explode.
Next week, after weeks of waiting, I will find out if I’m saved from the first round of lay-offs. I celebrated 11 years this past Monday and my consolation prize may be a severance package. I’ve tried to remain positive up to this point. We don’t know what’s going to happen. They’ve been saying this for years. Telling myself all the things we tell ourselves to see the silver lining, but the truth is…they’ve taken our work and there is not enough to sustain us and the end run is to eliminate us all together. That has always been the plan.
I can’t even complain about it being because my work was outsourced, because it’s not really outsourcing if the company getting your work is a subsidiary company of the one you work for. Yeah…how great is that? I mean, it’s a great opportunity. Like…good for them. Not so much for those of us that have been waiting for weeks to find out if we are going to actually lose our jobs.
I never really thought this day would come, but here I am. Coming weeks after I chose to turn down my grad seat because I couldn’t be sure that financially I could make the move work. Now, I scramble to find another program willing to take a chance on me. Somewhere I know that it was the right decision, but with all that is going on….it is just one more thing.
2020 hasn’t really sucked for me so far, but February alone can buck off. I’ve battled injury after injury. Yeah…bring on March, because I refuse to let February define the rest of the year. Of course that may change depending on what happens next week, but I’m also choosing to believe that everything really does happen for a reason. That reason may be that people are just greedy jerks, but there has to be a reason. A purpose. If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.
It may not sound like it, but I’m not really hateful or angry…I’m just feeling stressed, anxious…but this could be a good thing and I am choosing to believe that. With that said, it also doesn’t change the fact that right now all I’m sure of is that the sky is blue and that mountains are beautiful.
Thank you for sticking around. I’m not sure what is next, but for now I plan on continuing my blog as soon as I sort myself out.
Live, laugh, love, and let it ride.
~SMH, Montana Rose Photography~