Archive | January 2019

Aspire, Inspire

dsc_7111Day four of ridiculous positivity and hope for the new year continues.  I do not know why and as it is uncustomary for me to feel this way….I’m a bit annoyed and waiting for the cement shoes to drop.  Until then, I suppose I will soak it up and just roll with it.

Today, I was thinking about certain people in my life.  I wrote on facebook about releasing the toxins from my life.  This includes toxic people.  It kind of donned on me earlier that toxic people are not always seemingly toxic.  It is a little bit like eating orange seeds.  They are toxic, but it is something that you wouldn’t realize until you have consumed a ridiculous amount of them.  Some people are the same.

These people tend to be uninspired, unmotivated, negative, and just content with existing.  There are few of those in my life.  I think that we all have a few of those.  What I realized, I’m tired of being around those people, which makes me sound and feel like a horrible-horrible person.  I’m grateful for those people and the roll that they played, but as I’ve changed and they seem content just being….I understand why people grow apart.  It is sad, but it is necessary.

This is not to knock them.  That is how their path is meant to be, or so it seems.  I, on the other hand, long for aspiration and inspiration.  I also long to be able to infect people with much of the same.  Positivity, inspiration, aspiration, fire, and passion.  Especially, in a world where we are bombarded with sadness and hatred.  Where there are children in positions of authority because at the time they fooled people into believing they were responsible adults.   Adults that throw fits like two years that got their hands smacked for taking a cookie.  It is just not the time to be loathing in self-existence.  It is a time to make the best out of what we have left of our time.  I know you know what I’m talking about.

I don’t have the words to inspire you to find your aspirations and inspirations, but I also think that we also know what it is like to feel each of those.  Feel those and the fire that burns because of them.  Embrace the flames and let it ride.

I’m sure I will burn out on the positivity, but so far it is relentlessly holding on.  Bear with me.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

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Music Man

dsc_6972Trent Tomlinson concert 2018.  Mr. Colt Prather on guitar.

It is becoming an annual tradition for my friends and I.  This is our third year since I moved back to Indiana.  I don’t know if there will be a fourth year.  A lot can change in a year.  It is on my wish list.  That even if I’m not here than I will at least come back to keep up tradition.

Wish list. That is what I’ve decided to make.  Instead of plans.  I’m just adding things to my wish list.  When I make plans, they rarely work out.  So, I figure that I will just add things to my wish list and do what I can.  If it works out than it is meant to be and if not, well then it doesn’t.

My wish list includes many things.  I’ve applied to grad school, which today seems absurd for my age but it donned on me today that on the 17th of February, I will have been at my job for 10 years.  10 long and agonizing years.  I stay because of the money. I stay because of the benefits.  I stay because right now, there isn’t any real choice in the matter.  I can say that there is.  We often do, but when I take into consideration the things that I’ve already mentioned….well, like I said.

Isn’t that the way it is. We do what we have to do until we don’t have to do it anymore.  It is just the way that it is.  It is neither a bad thing nor a good thing.  It just is.

I hope that you enjoy the picture.  I edited it a while ago, but I have been touching pictures in one way or another as I set out to do.  I’ve also written everyday, but to be fair…it is only day three and there are 362 left.  I can do this.  We can do this.  Bring it on 2019.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Restricted Time…

DSC_71453I stare at this picture and I wonder if it is flawed.  Like so many before it.  Blurred in areas that don’t immediately standout to me.  One minute it looks soft, the next minute it does not.  This was the best shot that I got of him yesterday, but alas…I feel that it could have been better.

His owner wants one of him.  To join his brother and sister on the wall at home.  I had yet to get a good picture of him that I truly liked.  Until I posted it, I thought that it was this one but I didn’t have enough time to get more.  There is never enough time; especially, when you have to rely on people to help you.

These shots. I have said it before…that I cannot do them alone.  I had asked one.  One of patience and one that respects my methods.  Another insisted on doing it.  One who promotes and claims of support, but one whom rushes me through the process.  “It will only take a couple of minutes,”   they say.  Constantly.  The non-photographer.  The one not holding the camera.  She often dictates how long these shoots will last and it is rarely enough.  I always need more time. Not a lot more time, but enough time to make sure that I get me to the point of satisfaction.  I never get enough when this person helps.

It should be easy, you think.  Politely inform them that you don’t want their help or explain to them the process and ask them not to rush you.  It should be that easy.  Alas, it is not.  The relationship is shaky and the results could be undesirable.  As is often the case when someone is in a position where it is basically their call.  Their call whether you work there.  Whether you can take photos on their property.  You tread lightly, even when you know you should speak.

There are many subjects that I should speak upon.  I have been asked to, but I do not.  Rarely do people ever truly want the truth.  We can say that we do, but when it is involving our character….we do not.  We don’t truly want to know what others consider our flaws.  We most definitely do not want someone to lay them out for us so, depending on the situation, we suffer in silence.  Or suffer in silence at the time and then gripe about it to a reliable confidant.  It is how the world works.  It is how we maintain a balance, for the most part, in our life.  We do what we can to keep the peace.  Most of us anyway.

It may often cause turmoil.  It is really just a matter of which is the lesser of the two evils.  For now, my silence to keep the peace seems like the right move.  This year, I have plans. Plans that I need to follow to see how they play out.  Plans that will determine my next step in the immediate situations.  Like most, I bide my time.  There is always another door.  There is always something in the midst of it all.  We just bide our time until we stumble upon it and make the most.  Find the best.  Even when we think it is flawed.

Often flawed is only in the eyes of the beholder.  At least that is what I’m going with.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

New Year, New Vision….

DSC_7099For so long I have lacked vision. I’ve lacked passion and desire.  I’ve lacked that that fire. Those flames that burn from deep within the soul.  So fierce that you can feel it through every fiber that cases your soul. Your spirit.

My spirit, it has been broken and lost.  Broken by unfulfilled dreams.   Empty promises. And the reality that life and the people in it are quite unpredictable.  Then when we look at what the last year, the last year has brought us.  Disgust, hatred, chaos, fear, and all of those brought upon by something that probably never ever should have happened.  It is no wonder that souls are beaten and broke down coming into the new year.

I have reflected over the last year.  It was not a good one.  I suspect for a lot of us for many different reasons.  When I think back over my year, it started with death and then continued with more death and more frustrations and more loss.  There have been good things, I cannot deny that but they are severely outweighed by the bad.  Not that the bad has been that plentiful in comparison, but that they have been heavy and consistent.  I’m not the only one that has experienced this, I would not pretend that I am.  I’m just reflecting.

Friendships have faded, but I realize that they were not necessarily true friendships to begin with.  Sometimes we reach a point in life with people where we use them for the sake of not being alone but even when we are with people, we still feel alone.  Family relationships have come a head.  That is something that baffles me the most.  How families can turn on each other.  Behaving like high school cliques.  Battling it out as if we are teenagers from opposite sides of the tracks.  It is baffling.  Relationships.  People.

When I reflect back, I realize so much of my problem is that I am desperate and yearning for what was.  I live to be inspired and motivated.  I live to feel passion and hope and life.  I need to feel those things.  Deep, deep within.  I need to feel that fire burning as the flames flicker and rise.  Reminding me what life is and what it is that forces us to trudge on.  Again, I’m not alone in this.  We all need to feel passion and desire and motivation.  We all have spirits that burning to live life and feel excited to just breathe.  Yet, we get sucked into the realities of life.  The realities of working jobs that may or may not fulfill us.  The realities of time and not having near enough.  Some of us learn to combat those realities and make the most, but then there are some of us that get sucked into the despair of it all.

I think it is obvious where I have fallen on this latter.  Pretty sure that some days I have completely fallen off the latter, but unlike the years past….this year I am coming into it with this undeniable hope. This unbridled spirit of mine is fighting to come out and enjoy a better year.  I am not sure why.  It is unlike me to be honest.  I’ve never gone into a new year with hope.  I am hoping that the fact that I am is a good sign.   I’m still not going to make any resolutions but I am going to try to do things that I’ve been wanting to do, talked about doing for a while now.

I’m going to try and do photography everyday.  Whether it be taking a picture or editing a picture…I shall attempt to do it for the next 365 days.  I also plan on writing.  I truly do miss it.  I stopped doing it because it has been my desire to inspire  people with my writing or at least engage them enough that they enjoy it….that never seemed to take.  I’ve reserved myself to the fact that this may never happen.  I may never inspire anyone with my words. I may never get the following I wish with my writing. I may never do a lot of things with my writing, but I will attempt to do it everyday.   That is good for me, but maybe not so much for you.

These are just a couple of things.  There are more, but I will save them for another day.  I’ve already rambled on way too long and wish not to bore you anymore.  That is assuming you have made it to the end.  I know several of you will and for that, I thank you.

As for the picture, there is not a lot to say.  I took it today.  One of a several, but not as many as I would have hoped.  It was cold and it does not take long for my hands to get cold.  The horse is Mr. Aidan and I didn’t actually edit the picture that much. I only enhanced the brightness of the eyes themselves and everything else is as it was pictured.  I hope that you like it and I hope that this year brings you what you would like to see this new year.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography