For so long I have lacked vision. I’ve lacked passion and desire. I’ve lacked that that fire. Those flames that burn from deep within the soul. So fierce that you can feel it through every fiber that cases your soul. Your spirit.
My spirit, it has been broken and lost. Broken by unfulfilled dreams. Empty promises. And the reality that life and the people in it are quite unpredictable. Then when we look at what the last year, the last year has brought us. Disgust, hatred, chaos, fear, and all of those brought upon by something that probably never ever should have happened. It is no wonder that souls are beaten and broke down coming into the new year.
I have reflected over the last year. It was not a good one. I suspect for a lot of us for many different reasons. When I think back over my year, it started with death and then continued with more death and more frustrations and more loss. There have been good things, I cannot deny that but they are severely outweighed by the bad. Not that the bad has been that plentiful in comparison, but that they have been heavy and consistent. I’m not the only one that has experienced this, I would not pretend that I am. I’m just reflecting.
Friendships have faded, but I realize that they were not necessarily true friendships to begin with. Sometimes we reach a point in life with people where we use them for the sake of not being alone but even when we are with people, we still feel alone. Family relationships have come a head. That is something that baffles me the most. How families can turn on each other. Behaving like high school cliques. Battling it out as if we are teenagers from opposite sides of the tracks. It is baffling. Relationships. People.
When I reflect back, I realize so much of my problem is that I am desperate and yearning for what was. I live to be inspired and motivated. I live to feel passion and hope and life. I need to feel those things. Deep, deep within. I need to feel that fire burning as the flames flicker and rise. Reminding me what life is and what it is that forces us to trudge on. Again, I’m not alone in this. We all need to feel passion and desire and motivation. We all have spirits that burning to live life and feel excited to just breathe. Yet, we get sucked into the realities of life. The realities of working jobs that may or may not fulfill us. The realities of time and not having near enough. Some of us learn to combat those realities and make the most, but then there are some of us that get sucked into the despair of it all.
I think it is obvious where I have fallen on this latter. Pretty sure that some days I have completely fallen off the latter, but unlike the years past….this year I am coming into it with this undeniable hope. This unbridled spirit of mine is fighting to come out and enjoy a better year. I am not sure why. It is unlike me to be honest. I’ve never gone into a new year with hope. I am hoping that the fact that I am is a good sign. I’m still not going to make any resolutions but I am going to try to do things that I’ve been wanting to do, talked about doing for a while now.
I’m going to try and do photography everyday. Whether it be taking a picture or editing a picture…I shall attempt to do it for the next 365 days. I also plan on writing. I truly do miss it. I stopped doing it because it has been my desire to inspire people with my writing or at least engage them enough that they enjoy it….that never seemed to take. I’ve reserved myself to the fact that this may never happen. I may never inspire anyone with my words. I may never get the following I wish with my writing. I may never do a lot of things with my writing, but I will attempt to do it everyday. That is good for me, but maybe not so much for you.
These are just a couple of things. There are more, but I will save them for another day. I’ve already rambled on way too long and wish not to bore you anymore. That is assuming you have made it to the end. I know several of you will and for that, I thank you.
As for the picture, there is not a lot to say. I took it today. One of a several, but not as many as I would have hoped. It was cold and it does not take long for my hands to get cold. The horse is Mr. Aidan and I didn’t actually edit the picture that much. I only enhanced the brightness of the eyes themselves and everything else is as it was pictured. I hope that you like it and I hope that this year brings you what you would like to see this new year.
Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.
Montana Rose Photography