Envision

envisionEnvision.

I am not sure what I envision this year to be.  What does that even mean?  Envision.  I mean, I know what the dictionary meaning is.  “To picture mentally, especially some future event or events” or in short (and as the example listed on dictionary.com)  “to envision a brighter future”.  That is what I want.   To envision a positive outcome for 2019.

Someone whom I respect in wisdom and talent posted about questions of others.  Thing that keep them up at night.  Things like the inevitable ending.  Truth be told, that is what haunts me at night.  I do not sleep because of it, but the psychologist in me knows that really it is inevitable and the actual issue is the state of affairs in which my life entails.  Or the lack there of.  I’m a visionary.  A dreamer.  I’m a restless soul that somewhere along the line got lost and way off track from anything that I ever envisioned as I was growing up.

There is so much that I want to do in this life.  I want to go to Taiwan and volunteer at the elephant sanctuary for a day (and of course tour the area, but mainly visit the elephants).    I want to go on a safari exploration of Africa.  See gorillas in Uganda. Lions. Wild dogs.  I want to follow my friend’s footsteps and go on a trail ride in the 50 states.  She takes photos to paint letter (which are amazing), mine would stay photographs (hopefully half as amazing).  I want to study certain cultures. Buy a house. Get into grad school.  Maybe finally meet the one.  The list goes on. Some are pipe dreams and some are completely obtainable.  I guess that is what I envision for 2019.

I envision getting it right.  Redeeming myself on the errors and making a start on that list of wants that I envision for 2019 and even the years that follow.  For now, I’d just like to even know where to begin.

A friend, associate…truth be told, some days I’m not sure.  Anyway, she keeps asking if I will be doing the big art show and when I said no, she asked why.  I didn’t really know what to say.  It is in September and that is a long time away.  Truth be told, I think that is my only hang up.  Last year, I knew where I would be come September.  Right now, I’m not sure where I will be come summer.  My rent is too high.  One of the grad schools that I applied to would require that I move states.  Then there is the money involved and everything else.  I just don’t know that I want to commit to anything right now.  Nothing that is far in the future.  One month at a time maybe.  I just don’t know.

So what do you when you are a visionary?  Can you even be a visionary without a plan?  Maybe I am just a dream with cheap wine dreams on a pond water budget.  I’m not sure, but I am going to continue to envision the things that I would like to achieve while I am still here to do them.  Maybe that whole “you can manifest if you believe” thing is true. Only time will tell, I suppose.  Maybe I should go ahead and make a few plans.   Have to have a place to start.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

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