Eyes in wonder of a mind long lost to the consequences of time. That is what I see when I look in my grandmother’s eyes. A mind in turmoil. Saddened. Lost. Confused. Scared. Sometimes at peace and sometimes filled with anger. All the stages that someone with Alzheimer’s go through. At least I reckon so.
We don’t honestly know what goes on in someone’s mind. Not when they are lucid so definitely not when the sands of time have taken their toll.
I wonder what is behind these eyes. Is she trapped in a world where she knows what is going on but cannot break through? Something similar to “Locked in” syndrome. Is she just as lost in her own mind as much as she appears to be? Does she know that her mind is fading? Did she know?
It would seem her days of knowing us at all have completely gone. She still seems to recognize my grandpa, or at least has an idea of his importance to her. She is often concerned about him getting in trouble. When I am there, she’s constantly telling him that he needs to get home, or that he needs to get to bed. That he shouldn’t be up there. We laugh, but I know we all hold our sadness. The mind of a woman we love is long gone from the woman we knew.
My grandpa still sits with her ever day. I would expect no less. They have been married for almost 70 years. Fools tell him he needs a break. He probably does, but the love of his life is not at home, she is there-in a nursing home. One that should be reprimanded for many of reasons. He is there because she is there. He is there to make sure she is taken care of…the way that it should be. I would want that. And again, I would expect no less from the man I call grandpa.
I took these pictures yesterday. I did what I consider heavy editing. I wanted them to reflect the sadness, the loss, the emptiness, and yet…the beauty I see when I look at them. I hope that I was able to portray that in these photos. Most importantly, I hope that you like them too.
Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.
Montana Rose Photography