Archive | November 2018

“Idle Hands”

DSC_6478bwProbably not the right phrase, but a fitting title.  These hands.  The hands of an idle woman.  One whom sits in a chair with no place to go.  No mind of where she is.  Nothing to do other than to live in the world that her mind has created.

These hand on this particular day, they were not so much idle as much as they were busy.  Busy shooing away only creatures that she could see.  Busy trying to get invisible bugs off her pants or scrub away stains only she could see.  Hands that were constantly busy, moving, fidgeting.

These hands of a woman that once used to help my grandpa cook up a storm on the holidays.  The hands of a woman that were never necessarily loving but always caring.  With that, I’m sure I am not the only one who knows those kinds of hands.

Aged hands.  Idle hands in their own sense, in their own way.  A beautiful picture none the less, and I hope that you agree.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Advertisements

“Sign of the Times”

DSC_6452

My grandpa’s watch sits comfortably on aged arms. Wrinkles show the years. All the time that has passed. I’m not sure that there was a time when I did see him as anything but old, but when you are a kid everyone older seems old. The difference between now and then is that the man I once considered old, I now realize his age and the limits of time.

I’d like to say that I will take every second I can, but the truth is adulthood gets in the way.  He lives hours away and my choices have led me to a position where time is occupied by work, work, and more work.  Still, I will take the time that I can.  It is all that we can do.

I don’t know how many days are left. It is a thought that I try not to think of. It matters for nothing more than memories yet to obtain. With a man that seems ridiculously proud of a girl that is not proud of herself. A man that I am proud to call grandpa.

I hope that you enjoy the picture and that you are having an amazing day.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Through Grandma’s Eyes

DSC_6475Eyes in wonder of a mind long lost to the consequences of time.  That is what I see when I look in my grandmother’s eyes.  A mind in turmoil.  Saddened.  Lost.  Confused.  Scared.  Sometimes at peace and sometimes filled with anger.  All the stages that someone with Alzheimer’s go through.  At least I reckon so.

We don’t honestly know what goes on in someone’s mind.  Not when they are lucid so definitely not when the sands of time have taken their toll.

I wonder what is behind these eyes.  Is she trapped in a world where she knows what is going on but cannot break through?  Something similar to “Locked in” syndrome.  Is she just as lost in her own mind as much as she appears to be?  Does she know that her mind is fading?  Did she know?

It would seem her days of knowing us at all have completely gone.  She still seems to recognize my grandpa, or at least has an idea of his importance to her.  She is often concerned about him getting in trouble. When I am there, she’s constantly telling him that he needs to get home, or that he needs to get to bed.  That he shouldn’t be up there.  We laugh, but I know we all hold our sadness.  The mind of a woman we love is long gone from the woman we knew.

My grandpa still sits with her ever day.  I would expect no less.  They have been married for almost 70 years.  Fools tell him he needs a break.  He probably does, but the love of his life is not at home, she is there-in a nursing home.  One that should be reprimanded for many of reasons.  He is there because she is there.  He is there to make sure she is taken care of…the way that it should be.  I would want that.  And again, I would expect no less from the man I call grandpa.

I took these pictures yesterday.  I did what I consider heavy editing.  I wanted them to reflect the sadness, the loss, the emptiness, and yet…the beauty I see when I look at them. I hope that I was able to portray that in these photos.  Most importantly, I hope that you like them too.  DSC_6476
Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Once Upon a Jay

DSC_9510One of three versions of this picture.  By far my favorite.  I may have posted this one before, I don’t think I did. I think I posted the other two versions.  Either way, this is the one that I am posting.

I have been thinking a lot about Jay.  It has been a while now, but I miss her.  She was spunky and beautiful.  I don’t know what ever happen to her.  I can only hope, that as I have since she left, that she has found a good home.  That is happy wherever she is.

This is the cost of being a victim to other people’s decisions.  We often pay the price for them whether we should have to or not.  That is not a whine. It is not a rant. It is just a fact.  It’s all connected in some way.  It is unbeknownst to me as to exactly how, but the deep part of me that loves philosophy is telling me that it is all connected.  That it all has a purpose and that nothing is coincidence.  I don’t know how true any of that is, but it is always bigger than the seen.  Maybe.  Possibly.  Probably.

I was looking for a quote that fit my thoughts and this one stands out:  “There’s more to the truth than just the facts.” ~Author Unknown~

I believe this to be true, because there are always various sides to a story and we often only the fact that we know and there should be more that we should know, but we don’t know…you know?  🙂

As for the picture, as we established-it was revisited.  I love this picture of her and I wanted something that just really captured her essence.  I think that this one and the original completed do, but I will let you decide.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

Colors of Fall

DSC_6147I know that I have been gone a while.  It was not intentional, it just was.  I reached a level of lull that I just couldn’t seem to shake.  I actually went to write this post a couple of weeks ago when I actually took these pictures, but I wanted to write. I miss writing…I know that I have said that before, but I do.

Anyway, I wanted to write. I didn’t really know what to write, there are a million thoughts in my head and therefore I wrote nothing.  I posted nothing.  DSC_6124I am not going to lie….2018 has not been my best year.  It has had a some good moments, but it has been a far worse year than most.  I have been trying so hard to find the light, but it has been hard.  I turn 42 in two weeks and each passing year weighs on me a little bit more.

So many people I know spend a lot of time talking about their anxiety, their depression, and all that.  I don’t.  I know that I have mentioned it a time or two, but the actual depth-I Have not.  No one wants to hear that.  Maybe there are, but most don’t and that is okay.
DSC_6116It is time for a change.  Something that I have also said time and time before.  Now that change is crucial.  No one should feel like they are just being passed by or even just fading away.  No one should feel unfulfilled.  Empty.  Passion and fire is a must, I think.  For a fulfilled life.  Fire and passion.  DSC_6113
When I took these photos, the zone and I were under two trees.  They are fairly close to each and their branches were just full of leaves.  Yellow and orange and reddish.  The colors of fall.  The colors of fire and passion.

The only sun that showed through these trees was when the wind blew and the branches swayed a bit.  The leaves would just fall and so many of them at the time.  It was just beautiful and serene.  For a moment, I forgot about everything else.  My mind was not running a hundred miles per minute and it was just one with nature.
DSC_6106The leaves are gone now.  Winter has officially set in.  I don’t know what will happen over the next few weeks.  What the new year will bring.   I know what I would like to happen, but really it can only be taken one day at a time.   One falling leaf at a time.

As for the pictures. I hope that you enjoy them.  It is the first time in a long time that I have touched my camera and these pictures required little to no editing.

Have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography