The Boo

DSC_2792.jpgI love this cat.  I will miss this cat.  He’s not gone, but I do not know if I will get to see him after Wednesday.  My safe place is no longer that.  It is not that I feel endangered, but everything it offered me was taken away in a minute by someone that felt a little too comfortable around me.  Now, I am at a loss as to what to do.

All I ever really wanted to do was be at a place where I could spend time with horses (and other animals if available) and ride.  That is all I wanted.  It wore on me, because the two jobs I was going seven days a week with no breaks in-between.  That would wear on anyone…even if it was something that they enjoyed.

The farm was my “safe” place. It was wear I could go and just be me. I rarely see anyone and I rarely have to deal with anyone.  It eased my stress. It eased my anger. It eased my mind and I always found a way to be content.   Now because of boos (not me, I do not drink), someone was too comfortable and made my safe place, uncomfortable and awkward.  Even in the sober light, it was only made worse.  Part of me knows that I should probably walk away, but the other part truly aches at not being able to see the animals anymore.  Then there is the brain part of me that reminds me, I need the money and if I have to work two jobs….that is what I would rather being doing..working at the farm that is.

However, to stay in a situation like that.  Where I am now uncomfortable and feel awkward.  Even slightly fearful of what will become of the situation once embarrassment shifts into shame.  I just want to work, spend time with the animals, and move on with my day.  But now my day is also filled with anxiety and discontent as I think of all the things.  Even what I did to provoke the moment.  They were just words, but what did I do to indicate that it would even be acceptable to approach me?  I have to admit that I am a bit naive, apparently.  Trying to always believe that things are innocent. I feel like I really should have known better and that is my fault for putting myself in a position where it could even happen.  My friend said that it is not, but I am not so sure.

I get it now.  Maybe that was the lesson.  To be more sympathetic to certain causes.  Not that I was insensitive, but probably not as sensitive as I should be.  I don’t know.  All I know is that my stomach is a pit. My heart aches a bit.  And I’m over 2018 and it is only May.  Maybe I will feel better when I return from South Dakota, but I don’t know.  Only time will tell.

Thank you for reading my plight. I hope that you have a beautiful day and tomorrow.

Montana Rose Photography

6 thoughts on “The Boo

  1. Seems like it is time to take that break and get away. That said, reading between the lines, you’ve done nothing to reproach yourself for, and nothing to cause unwanted or unexpected advances. Be sad to walk away from a workplace you had enjoyed, but you also have to be safe. Don’t know the set up there, work wise, but it doesn’t seem right you’d have to be the one leaving. Anyway, take your trip and enjoy the time off.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry to hear that someone has rained on your parade! Do not blame yourself for this situation above all! Your a strong enough soul & will find another sanctuary I’m sure.Cream always rises to the top. Push that which is negative away & draw that which is positive in.If thats all you ever did you’d win the battle!
    A door closes but another opens.A new adventure awaits…..lets see where it leads you?

    Liked by 1 person

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